Toe Pic!

Published March 14, 2014 by marshaz333

Hello.

Sorry for the long absence.

What long absence, you ask????

Well for those of you who haven’t noticed, I haven’t blogged since my epic fail of “7 posts in 7 days”.  Turns out 5 is my limit.

But for those of you who are regulars here (and I’m using that term loosely!), I apologize for my prolonged silence, though there are some who would count my “silence” a miracle.  Not naming names but, Dad, I’m lookin’ at you!! :-)

I have spent the last week in class for work.  It was a mapping class so I was expecting it to be all kinds of interesting but what I didn’t expect was all the hard.

I spent 2 ½ days hearing more facts about longitude and latitude than I ever cared to know.

I just don’t have room in my brain for such things.

It’s already filled up with such useful information as the lyrics to “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road” and the goings-on of Honey Boo-Boo and her family and who sat where and who wore what at our last family outing.

I’m just not sure I need to know that 1 rod equals 16 ½ feet.

You’d be amazed at how seldom that kind of thing comes up in my life.

So at the end of every day, the poor Mr., who is usually privy to my jovial attitude and, dare I say, hilarious quips, was met with a sharp tongue and absolutely NO humor.

I didn’t mean to.  I’m a good girl, but dag-gone it, I couldn’t seem to help it!!

{Paraphrase of an Andy Griffith line in case you missed it!}

Then low and behold there was a test.

Have you ever been given a test that you were prepared for and when you read the first question, it appeared to be written in Portuguese????

That was me!

And that ain’t all.

It was full of……you guessed it……MATH!!!

UGH!

But I forged ahead, guessed on a few of the answers and am now waiting on the results.  If somehow, by the grace of Almighty God, I passed that thing, I will try with all my might to use my new found knowledge of mapping on a regular basis.

Or not.

We’ll see.

All this to say that there was not a lot of laughter in my house this week.

Until last night.

There I was, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, the Mr. put on quite a show!

I was laughing so hard I thought I’d fall out in the floor.

Apparently, he decided to move from his recliner to sit beside his oh-so-pleasant wife but he had an issue navigating around the coffee table.

Maybe I need to draw him a topographical map.

I can do that now.

Sort of.

Ok, not at all.

His first mistake, of course, was switching seats in the middle of a show.

I mean, come on.

Is he new here???

It’s the MIDDLE OF A SHOW, for Pete’s sake!!!

I don’t know what he was thinking.

He knows the rules!!

People need to stay in their seats with their mouths firmly closed until a commercial.  And THEN only move or speak if it’s a lame commercial.  To be determined by me, of course.

Thank the Lord for the ability to pause TV because, oh the laughter that ensued after that Mr. jammed his little baby toe into the leg of the coffee table.

I heard it crack.

The toe, not the table leg.

But lest you think I’m completely heartless, it wasn’t the toe cracking I was laughing at but more the Mr.’s reaction.

Oh the reaction!!

He hollered and yelled and rolled around on the couch (in a very NON-baby-like manner, of course) and ended his little tirade with a manly punch to the coffee table.

Taj did NOT care for that bit of drama.

The Mr. kept insisting it was broken and I, though my tears of laughter and with my imagined medical degree, kept insisting that it wasn’t.

I felt sure that all he did was jam it and all that needed to be done was Dr. Mish needed to grab that sucker and yank it back into place.

Well, that idea didn’t get nearly the enthusiastic response that I thought it would.

He finally calmed down and I finally dried my tears and we continued with our TV show.

But every time the Mr. had to get up, he would hobble around and wince in pain while I giggled.

Finally at bedtime, I took a look at his little piggy toe after I promised not to pull on it.

Wow.

It’s bruised.

It may in fact BE broken.

Did I continue to laugh?

No.

Did I apologize for my unbelief?

Heck no…..I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture!!

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Poor Mr. and his poor little bruised toe!!

{Sorry for the toe picture, Marcus.}

~Mish~

 

Wonderful World of Taj

Published February 27, 2014 by marshaz333

As you know, I’ve committed to 7 blog posts in 7 days and I’m already struggling at Day 4!

Not a good sign.

The Mr. is apparently watching his P’s and Q’s  so as not to give me any new material so I’m leaning on a good ole standby…..Taj.

That little guy cracks me up and I know that my brother-in-law, David, LOVES when I post pictures of Taj on Facebook so he’s gonna really dig this!!

Last week when I was on my deathbed with the fatal diagnosis of Snuffy-Snotty-Head Syndrome, my little Taj-man was right there to take care of me.

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As you can see, he takes his nursing responsibilities VERY seriously!

Sometimes he gets to go for a ride in the car.  Especially on weekend mornings when I have to go get the Mr. some breakfast at 10:55.  The time is important because McDonald’s switches to lunch at 11:00.

It’s always a race!

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Taj loves to ride in the car but he HATES when you stop.

Like at red lights.

Or stop signs.

Or in the drive-through.

And he barks.

And barks.

And barks.

And BARKS!!

He’s a madman!!

And I’m not talking a deep, manly bark.

His bark is the most high-pitched, shrill, ear-piercing bark that you’ve ever heard in your whole ding-dong life!!

Imagine that sound.

Now imagine you’re in a car with it.

With the windows rolled up.

It’s enough to make you want to kill someone.

Not the dog.

Someone.

But last night, the little guy just cracked me up.

Now this story may gross some of you out.

I’m thinking, Debbie, you may want to stop reading, if you haven’t already!

One of Taj’s very favorite things is string cheese.

Really any cheese.

Or any food for that matter.

But he’s learned the word “cheese” and earlier in the night when he was fast asleep, I mentioned to the Mr. that I had a hankerin’ for a hunk of cheese.

Well, that little dog’s head snapped around so fast I was sure he had whiplash!!

I got him calmed down and forgot all about getting that cheese.

Until I got ready to go to bed.

The Mr. had already gone upstairs and I was getting the lights turned out and the alarm set and I had just come out of the bathroom when I thought “CHEESE”.

{Don’t even try to analyze why I would be thinking of cheese in the bathroom.}

{I’m an enigma!}

I looked around and there was no one in sight.

Taj must have gone up to bed with his dad.

So very quietly I opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a stick of string cheese.  When I closed the fridge door, THERE HE WAS!!!!

It was like a horror movie!

He can be quite stealth when food is involved.

At that point, Taj wouldn’t leave my side.

He followed me up the stairs.

He watched me plug in my cell phone, take my pills and put on my jammies.

Then I peeled that plastic off the cheese and he almost lost his little mind with excitement!

Up on the bed he went as I’m trying to lay down and keep him from stealing my cheese!

Now, I’m not a cheese peeler.  I’m a cheese biter.

I know.

You’re supposed to string it.

Hence the name.

But I’m always afraid that I……I mean Taj……will choke on the strings so I bite.

For every bite I took, I gave him a little bite.

And NO……I didn’t LET him bite it…..I bit it and handed him the bite.

That would be gross!

But not nearly as gross as the next thing COULD have been.

While I’m chewing my last bite, I’m explaining to Taj that there is no more.  But he’s standing on my pillow, looking down at me chewing so I open my mouth and stick out my tongue.

Apparently, this is something he’s never experienced before.

Or it may have been the cheese bits on my tongue (I was still chewing after all!).

But he’s staring at my tongue.

And then he leans in.

Then he leans in a little closer.

Now let me assure you that there was NO WAY IN THIS WORLD that I was gonna let that dog lick my tongue!

NO.

WAY.

IN.

THIS.

WORLD.

But the expression on his face was so funny that I laughed.

And when I laughed my tongue moved.

Well, you would have thought that a monster popped right out of my face the way that dog jumped!!!!

Scared him to absolute death!!!!

That really got me laughing so I stuck my tongue out again and he ran.

So I guess now I know that he will always be my protector from bad guys.

As long as that bad guy doesn’t stick out his tongue!

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~Mish~

Turn That Frown Upside Down!

Published February 26, 2014 by marshaz333

I’m ornery today.

Everything and everyone is getting on my nerves.

I’m sure at this point your thinking “that poor, poor Mr”.

And you would be right to feel sorry for him because when I’m in this kind of mood I am a pickle to be around and there will most likely be no supper preparations at my house tonight!!

Why am I like this?

I slept good last night.

It didn’t snow as much as was predicted.

It’s one day closer to the weekend.

I don’t know……it’s a mystery.

Must be the phase of the moon.

But I wanted to share something with you today that made me smile.

I got a card in the actual mail last week.

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Just out of the clear blueness of the sky.

And isn’t that just the best kind of mail????

Here’s a peek at the inside of the card…..

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{Yes, ladies, I see those smiles!!}

You see, my New York sisters-in-law know of my forever love of Matthew McConaughey.

Not only is he a great actor but he makes me weak in the knees.

But don’t worry, the Mr. knows this and has agreed that if Matthew ever comes a knockin’ on my door, well, let’s just say the Mr. isn’t too worried!!  :-)

When I turned 40, my sisters-in-law threw me a surprise birthday party and I got several Matthew-related gifts; including an autographed photo.

Funnily enough Matthew’s signature looks very similar to Jenal’s.

Weird.

Lisa had a special pillowcase made for me with a collage of Matthew photos and, just so that the Mr. wasn’t left out, she included a case for the Mr. with Carrie Underwood’s photos.

We LOVE them!!!

The pillowcases AND the sisters-in-law, too!!

And so now every once in a while, I get a “love” note from Matthew.

It just makes my day.

As a matter of fact, just sharing this with all of ya’ll has perked me right up.

Not enough to cook supper, mind you, but I’m definitely perkier than I was.  :-)

~Mish~

 

 

You Had Me at Chinese Food

Published February 25, 2014 by marshaz333

The Mr. and I have never been overly romantic.

I mean, we hold hands from time to time but we’re not overly demonstrative because, well, that’s just gross!!!

Plus I like my space.

And even the hand holding is kept to a minimum because if we are walking somewhere it just ends up looking like he’s pulling me since my little Pikachu legs can’t keep up!

It’s a very loving scene indeed.

But last night when I got home from work, the Mr. said to me perhaps the most romantic thing he’s said in the past 16 years.

It made me swoon.

It made me fall in love with him all over again.

He said…………”let’s go out for Chinese food.”

WOW!!!!

Music to this girls ears!

I’m easy to please………..OBVIOUSLY!

But while we were shoveling in the Chinese food, I noticed how very differently the Mr. and I approach a buffet.

Typically I don’t enjoy a buffet because I’d much rather someone wait on me hand and foot.

Plus I feel like a pig at a trough at a buffet.

But that’s neither here nor there.

The Mr.’s plate is always neatly portioned off with rice, some noodles, a little meat and tons of veggies with space between so that the foods don’t mix.

Mine looks like a dog’s dish with a mish-mosh (yes, I said MISH-MOSH!) of different meats all mixed in together.  I have been known to add one or two little slivers of green beans just because I feel like I should have at least SOME vegetables.

But with the Mr., it’s a totally different story.

I’ve seen the Mr. approach the vat of Chicken with Broccoli and pick out the broccoli.

No chicken whatsoever.

JUST BROCCOLI!!

What kind of crazy man did I marry?????

But after all the veggies that the Mr. can hold, he takes a dark turn.

Dessert.

Personally I’d rather have another helping of Black Pepper Chicken (and I normally do) but the Mr. is all about dessert.

He’ll grab a couple of tiny little cakes, usually a small chunk of banana in red sauce (what IS that red sauce by the way???) and then the main event.

Chocolate pudding.

And I don’t mean a normal human’s helping of chocolate pudding.

I mean the Jolly Green Giant’s helping of chocolate pudding!!!

How one person can eat that much pudding in one sitting is beyond me.

The Mr. says it’s the perfect dessert after a Chinese buffet because it fills in the cracks.

I don’t mean to be ugly but that dude must have lots of cracks because he can sho‘nuff put the pudding away!!

Then comes the fortune cookie.

Oh my lands, the fortune cookie!

When I get a fortune cookie, I open it and immediately read the fortune.  The cookie is disgusting so it just goes in my plate with my folded napkin (a la Mawmaw).  But the Mr. will not even take a peek at his fortune until he has eaten that cookie.

And not because he likes the taste of fortune cookies.

He says the fortune won’t come true if you don’t eat the cookie first.

Well, MY fortune surely came true last night.

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Because my “present plans” were to ignore the laundry that’s piled up and watch TV until bedtime.

And lo and behold, it came to pass! :-)

~Mish~

 

Sick Day Essentials

Published February 24, 2014 by marshaz333

I did kind of a crazy thing.

I think I may have accepted a challenge I didn’t want to accept.

I got a text from Molly yesterday to do 7 blog posts in 7 days.

I laughed.

Then this morning I read another blog extending the same 7 day challenge.

I guess this must be a thing.

So…..challenge accepted!!!

Unfortunately for all of you, these 7 blog posts will surely be fascinating and riveting accounts of the life of the Mr. and the Mish.

Lucky ya’ll.  :-)

I’ll start Day 1 with this past Friday.

I’ve had sickness.

I mean SICKNESS!!!

sick_girl

I really and truly wish spring would hurry up but for Pete’s sake, leave my sinuses alone!!!

While living in exile in NY I had forgotten all the stuffy, drippy, sore-throaty goodness that comes from a KY existence.

So by Thursday evening, I felt like I had fire ants running up and down my throat.

It was ouchy to the max!!

By the time my alarm went off on Friday those ants had multiplied like rabbits (fire rabbits that is!) and I had a slight fever.

Now fevers are a tricky thing.

I don’t usually run a fever even though I sometimes feel fever-ish.  And my fever on Friday would never pass the “Mom Test”.

See, when I was a kid, the ONLY way we could stay home from school was if we had a fever.

It didn’t matter that we vomited.

She’d say “Now you’ll feel better.  Go to school.”

It didn’t matter that we passed out cold in the shower.

She’d say “You’re conscious now.  Go to school.”

And I’m sure that even with a fever she’d try to send us to school but she knew that if the school nurse got wind of the fever, she’d be called to come get us in the middle of the day.

She did NOT like the mid-day-pick-up!

I remember once that happened when I was in either kindergarten or first grade.  I came down with a mysterious sickness during the late morning.  Mom came to get me and when we got home she gave me a half a honey and white bread sandwich.

Yes, that’s right.

Honey and white bread.

Is there really any doubt as to my struggle with weight?????

Anywho, after eating my sandwich I experienced a miraculous recovery.

So back to school I went!

Along with a threat to never try that trick again!!

It wasn’t a trick.

I was hungry, apparently.

But since Mom wasn’t at my house on Friday morning and I didn’t have any white bread for a honey sandwich, I made the executive decision to stay home.

While I laid on my deathbed, I came up with a few essentials for when you’re home sick:

  1.  A couch-bed.  All you need for this is some clean, crisp sheets and a big ole blanket to make the ultimate bed on the living room couch.  And what husband doesn’t love walking into his house after a long day to find his sickly, pale wife lying on the couch under a pile of crumpled Kleenex with another Kleenex shoved up her nose to catch the drips from her stuffier-than-stuffed sinuses.  Very attractive.
  2. A burn-y Diet Coke.  Now you all know I’m a Mt. Dew lover but when I’m sick, especially with a sore throat, all I need is a Diet Coke that burns on the way down!  The best place to get one is McDonald’s.  I’m not sure why theirs burns so good but you can’t beat it. And I’m told it’s the same with regular Coke; though I’d rather drink dirty dishwater than a regular Coke. The added advantage of a burn-y Diet Coke is that all the built up sinus gunk in your throat gets melted away.  You know it’s working by the burn!
  3. A bendy straw.  I don’t think I really need to explain this one.  Bendy straws are just awesome!  But be sure not to confuse a bendy straw with a crazy straw.  Crazy straws are strictly for the healthy; they are way too exciting for the infirm.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have any bendy straws on Friday, which probably added a whole other day to my recovery.  Oh well.  I’ll stock up on my next shopping trip.
  4. A Frosty.  This is perhaps the most important item on the list.  As I’ve told you before, on the rare occasion that we stayed home from school, Me-maw would come by at lunch and bring us a Frosty.  I’m not sure the medical community has caught up to her cure for what ails you, but a Frosty will make you feel better way before cough medicine & Tylenol.

And to make sure that I got better as quick as possible, that wonderful Mr. brought me a Frosty when he came home from work.

He even bought himself one as preventive medicine.

He’s good like that!

See ya’ll tomorrow (I hope!).

~Mish~

 

Speedy Costello

Published February 18, 2014 by marshaz333

Speedy Gonzales

I drive like a grandma.

I didn’t always but due to circumstances totally within my control, I’ve become the kind of driver that annoys even me!

I think it all started because I’ve been pulled over a time or two back in my younger days and the thought of a ticket scares me to death.

Plus when I lived in the Frozen Tundra, I stopped driving when the first snowflake fell (around August) and didn’t drive again until the thaw of July.

So now I’m just a Nervous Nellie out there on the road.

I’m sure you’ve passed me.

Probably while riding a skateboard, according to my beloved!

The last time the Mr. asked me to drive part of the way home from NY, when we switched back he said “Now we’ll make up some of the time we lost”.

Of course, in my defense, I failed to realize that to him, it’s a race!

I’m not sure who exactly we’re racing, but we’ve got to make better time than the other “contestants”.

But before you get too bad a picture of me in your head, let me assure you that I do go the speed limit (mostly).  And that’s because when Dad was teaching each of us kids to drive, he told us “if you can’t go at least the speed limit, you got no business behind the wheel” so I try to keep that in mind.

When I was in college a bunch of us decided to go out to the lake late one night.   At the time, Marti and I shared a car.

And by car, I mean a big car.

And by big car, I mean a great big car.

We had a blue 1976 Oldsmobile Cutlass.

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It was tricked out.

And by tricked out, I mean it had an 8-track player!

Very stylish for 1985.

So that night we loaded up in that big ole boat and took off.

Did I mention that the car had bucket seats in the front?

Did I also mention that we had 3 people crammed into those bucket seats?

And did I mention that the reason we had 3 people crammed into those bucket seats was because we had 5 or 6 people in the back?

As a matter of fact, one person was laying across all the others in the back.

But we were having fun so we took off.

That’s when I saw the blue lights.

I immediately start to tear up because I’m a world-class-crier and because, oh my goodness, what if Mom & Dad find out????

That’s when my friends started yelling at me to get out of the car and do NOT let the police man see all that gob of people in the car!

So ever one to give in to peer pressure, I hopped out of the car to “meet” the cop.

Did ya’ll know that the police don’t like when you hop out????

Well I sure didn’t!

I thought I was gonna get cuffed right then and there but once that police guy saw my tears, he gave me a warning and never did walk up to the car and see all those folks piled in there.

Needless to say, the trip to the lake was over and one of my friends drove us back to campus.  I was in no shape to drive what with all the tears.

And I’ve been a chicken driver ever since!

DISCLAIMERS:

#1 Let me just say here that there was absolutely NO alcohol involved in this stupid stunt; we were just THAT stupid!!!

and

#2 Marti was in no way involved in this incident.  She wasn’t even in the car and I’m quite sure she’s just now hearing this story for the first time.  And that’s mostly because at the time I was as scared of her as I was of Mom & Dad.  You see, Marti is a hitter.  Actually she’s more of a slapper. If you ever hear that girl say she’s slap happy, get the heck out of dodge!  Cause she does indeed slap when she’s happy!!!!  TRUST ME!!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I’m fully aware that the little guy at the top is actually Speedy Gonzales but when Marc was a kid he called him Speedy Costello.

He also had a problem with “Sippity” Sam.

Yosemite Sam

Bless his heart!

~Mish~

 

 

 

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