Old Folks, Egg Goo & Ancient Drawers

The Mr. and I are officially old. 

I don’t know when it happened because mostly we feel like teenagers but our bodies betray us time and again.  Last night was one of those nights. 

There was absolutely nothing on TV that interested us and we were both so tired that we decided to go up to bed about 8:45.

I know!!! 

It was still daylight!!! 

Poor Taj was so confused.  But old people can be confusing sometimes.

We watched one of our shows (Roswell) on Netflix and lights were out by a little after 10:00.  I don’t know the last time we went to bed that early but it was AWESOME!

Until about 4:15. 

That’s when I, in true old folk fashion, fell awake.  I didn’t actually fall, but I figure if you can fall asleep why not fall awake???  Makes sense.

But after a wobbly trip to the bathroom, I was able to go back to sleep until the alarm went off at 6:00.  I have to say that I feel MUCH better today after a good sleep.

So with our new food plan, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the kitchen.  And by a lot I mean HOURS at a time.  Since the Mr. & I both work, I have to get our lunch and both snacks ready and packed up the night before.  That’s getting old fast!  But we’re doing pretty good so far and I haven’t killed, maimed or ripped anyone’s head off in a caffeine-deprived frenzy so that’s success!

The mornings are pretty tough for me because not only is my body SCREAMING for a Mt. Dew, I have to fix breakfast for both of us.  The Mr. always eats his breakfast before work but I take mine with me and eat at the office. 

So there I was, making myself an omelet at 6:30 in the morning.  That just seems like it should be against some law.  I’ll have to look into that.

I got all my bowls and ingredients ready and got the skillet heating up then I cracked the first egg.  No problem.  I crack the second egg and out shoots the egg goo all over my nightgown!!!  GROSS! 

Just proves my point that cooking at that time of day is all kinds of wrong!

But before the exploding egg incident, I had a mishap with my underpants. 

I feel I should warn you that if your prone to nightmares, you may want to skip this true story.  And I apologize in advance for the disturbing mental image this story may conjure up!

When the alarm went off this morning, I didn’t hop out of bed.  I’m not a hopper.  So when I realized that I was starting to fall back asleep, I decided I better get a move on; I needed a shower, had to feed Taj and take him out, plus I had to make two breakfasts.  I stumbled over to the dresser in the dark and grabbed a pair of drawers.  For any Yankees reading this, “drawers” is a Southern name for “underwear”. 

After my shower, I’m getting my clothes on and realize that these drawers are from by-gone days when my rear was much smaller.  MUCH smaller. 

Why do I hang on to such things? 

Were they expensive Victoria’s Secret drawers? 

Why, no they were not!  They were cotton granny-panties that come 6 in a pack from Wal-Mart!!!  I have no earthy idea why they were still in the dresser except that maybe I live in a state of denial and thought I could still wear them.

So after getting them on, I quickly realize that there is no way I can go through the whole day with these things on!  Not only was I getting the wedgie of a lifetime but I was beginning to lose feeling in my legs!!! 

I  immediately start looking for the jaws-of- life to get me out of this trap. 

I finally was free and do you know what I did with those ancient drawers? 

Did I throw them away? 

No ma’am!

Back in the dresser.

I may fit into them one day!  🙂



3 thoughts on “Old Folks, Egg Goo & Ancient Drawers

  1. I’m cracking up here! I love reading this stuff….partly because it sounds familiar. (Except for the part about cooking breakfast.)

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