Archive | August 2012

Danged If I Do and Danged If I Don’t

I’m a list person.

I love to make lists but more importantly I love to cross things OFF my list.

I get this from my mother.

So with the big Fierce visitation this weekend I’ve been in list heaven.

I’m getting down to the homestretch so last night I was anxious to cross off a few more items.

My only plan for the night was to set up the daybed that I got from my sister, Marti, dust the entire house, and clean the bathrooms.

Easy-peasy, right?

Wrong!!!

The Mr. and I stopped at the Work Journal to get the bed from Marti and then we headed home.  While the Mr. carried all the bed parts in, I took Taj out to do his business and bark at passersby.

When the Mr. was done with the carry-in he informed me that it was trash night and if I had any garbage that needed to go out, now was the time to do it! 

Sir, yes sir!! 🙂

The night before I had done the horrible job of cleaning out the fridge.  Oh, how I hate to clean out the fridge!!!!  It was truly a gag-worthy experience but it had to be done.

Knowing that the gross fridge garbage needed to go and not wait another week, I pulled the heavy, oh so heavy, bag out of the can, tied it up and carried it out to the street. 

As the Mr. was heaving this loaded bag into the can, he realized that the bag was leaking. 

I turned and looked and sure enough there was a trail from the street to the front door.

OH NO!!!!  Surely not!!

I ran to the house and there stands Taj licking up something off the floor. 

I fling myself into the house and the trail continues………….from the front door, across the entry hall, through the dining room and into the kitchen!!

A TRAIL!

Of goo!!!

I’m not exactly sure what was leaking but since I threw away some old, nasty cantaloupe and watermelon, I’m thinking it was a mixture of the two.

The Mr. comes in and a period of intense fellowship began. 

This was not on the list.

Not in a million years would I have put this on the list.

I immediately grabbed the new can of Resolve Carpet Cleaner I  had just bought and started foaming the trail.

Did I test a small area first?

No I did not!!!

All I could think of was get that line of nastiness up off my carpet before Taj makes himself sick trying to clean it up for me.

Thankfully the cleaner worked and the trail of goo is gone.

But now I have a trail of really clean carpet.

Oh well, better for my guests to find their way to the kitchen.

It’s all about the bright side, people.

~Mish~

A Few Things

I figured I’d give you an update on the house-cleaning project…..EPIC FAILURE!

I’m sure your all very surprised but it’s not going as fast as I had hoped.  It could be that there was birthday doin’s this past weekend but truth be told most of this stuff should have been done month’s ago and I wouldn’t be stressing. 

Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not gonna stress.

I’m gonna have a fun visit with Andrew and the Fierce’s and they will love me, dirt and all!

Well, maybe not Andrew.

At least not so that he’d admit.

So since I’ve been too busy to put a coherent sentence together, I thought I’d share a few things.

First of all, I learned the hard way that Andrew does in fact check this blog from time to time.  I got a text from him after I posted his pictures that I was in violation of his “copyright” and owe him $50 per picture. 

As you can imagine, I ain’t sceered!!!

Secondly, I did the dreaded grocery shopping yesterday.  It was not fun but since the Mr. and I are fond of eating, it had to be done.  I bought so much junk that I had to have help out to the car with my TWO carts of groceries!!!  Then I had to hide some items from the Mr. so that we will still have them come the weekend.

But a funny thing happened at the store. 

Well, maybe not funny, haha, but still funny.

I came around one aisle and found a lady climbing the grocery shelves trying to reach some V8 Fusion.  I asked if she’s like me to get it for her (not at all sure that I could) and when I did, she said “It must be nice being tall.”

Me???  Tall????

At 5’3” I’ve never been called tall.  It was kinda nice!!

Thirdly, since the Mr. and I lived near Buffalo, NY, we are, of course, Bills fans.  I know…………..they don’t play the football so well but nevertheless we hold out that glimmer of hope each year that THIS IS THE YEAR. 

My favorite player is Paul Posluszny.  At least he used to be.  I’m sure he’s a good player but what I’m really interested in is his last name.  I love to say Posluszny.

(via Wikipedia)

I know………….I’m weird!! 

I totally embrace that!

Anyway, every fall when football begins I beg and plead and whine and cry (not really on the last one) about getting a Posluszny jersey to no avail.

Last year, much to my dismay, Posluszny was traded to Jacksonville. 

But did that discourage me? 

Heck no!!  In fact, I think it helped my cause!  Super Daddy even joked on the day of the trade that I could now get a Posluszny Bills jersey for $20 (smarty-britches!). 

Well, this year, the Mr. came through!! 

I got my Posluszny Bills jersey (good ole #51) and he got it for the bargain basement price of $19.88.

How do I know??? 

In pure Me-maw fashion, he left the price tag on!! 

Gotta love that Mr.

Have a good week and Let’s Go Buffalo!!!

~Mish~

Summertime Summertime Sum-Sum-Summertime

As you’re probably well aware, one of my many, many obsessions is TV.

I love TV.

No, really.  LOVE.

Most TV watchers are bummed at the end of the regular TV season and wonder how they will fill the many summer hours without mind-numbingly good TV. 

At least most amateur TV watchers.

Not me.  I’m clearly a professional.

I may compete in the next Olympics in TV watching.

Anyway…………I love summer shows!!   It’s like reconnecting with old friends that you haven’t seen in a good long while.

So today I thought I’d share a few of my favorite summer shows:

1.  So You Think You Can Dance – this is my all-time favorite summer show.  They tried to put it on in the fall one year but it just didn’t work.   And since I know your all wondering, no, I do NOT think I can dance.  Mainly because we weren’t allowed to dance.  At least not with boys!  It leads to stuff, right, Dad???  🙂

2.  Warehouse 13 – this is one of the Mr.’s sci-fi shows but its kinda quirky so I’ve learned to like it.

3.  Next Food Network Star and Great Food Truck Race – I cannot wait until these come on!  Thankfully they are not on at the same time so I can enjoy one and then when it ends look forward to the next.  Great Food Truck Race just started last weekend and I’m loving it already.  I’m so addicted to Food Network but not enough to actually COOK any of the food!  Sorry, Mr.!

4.  Bunheads – how, oh how, did I get so involved in a show called “Bunheads”???  I’ll tell ya…….I read a blog about it!  See, these blogs can be dangerous!!  Anyway, I read a blog about this show on ABC Family and thought I’d check it out.  I was hooked by the end of the first episode.  It’s not actually about buns or heads even.  It’s about a dance studio and a former showgirl.  Not a stripper showgirl but a dancing-with-her-clothes on showgirl.  The humor is right up my alley and it’s a pretty good show.

5.  Here Comes Honey Boo Boo – I know!  I know!!  It’s like a train wreck but I can’t for the life of me turn away!!  If you haven’t seen this show or even heard about it you might NOT want to check it out.  I’m telling you, it’s so bizarre that you will find yourself entranced just like I am.  Honey Boo Boo is the nickname of this little 6-year-old girl from Georgia who is involved in beauty pageants and the show follows her redneck family and how they live their lives.  It cracks me up that they have to use subtitles.  I have a hard time catching everything they say but the poor Mr. doesn’t understand a word!! Many people think that TLC is exploiting these poor, ignorant people but I think that they have been working the system long enough that they know exactly what they are doing!  I do, however, feel a little bad about laughing at these people………….only because I could easily be related to them!!!

 So there you have it. 

Mish’s Guide to Wasting Your Summer.

Enjoy!!

~Mish~

 

Hog Wild

I’ve noticed in the past few months that some of my friends and family are a little reluctant to act normal (or their version of normal) around me.

It seems that folks are worried that they will show up on my blog.  It’s like they think I tell everything that I know!! 

Imagine!!  Me………..a blabbermouth????

You’d be surprised at all the things I haven’t shared.

For instance, did I spill the beans on my cousin, a local business owner, who answered the phone in such a professional manner and then promptly hung up on the person instead of putting them on hold? 

No, Ronnie, I wouldn’t do that to you and I’d certainly not mention names!

Did I share the story of my friend, who is so “thrifty” (her word) that at the movies went dumpster diving to find discarded cups with game pieces on them?

Of course not, Cara; I would never do that.

And why didn’t I share that one???  Well, mostly because it’s not true.  We discussed her doing that but since her husband wouldn’t agree to hold her ankles while she fished through dirty trash, she never actually did it.

But it’s a good story, right??!?!?!?!?!?!

And then there’s Andrew.

My sweet little Andrew.

He gives no regard to how I might share his photos on the blog. 

And why is he unconcerned?

Because he doesn’t read it!!!

Nope, never!

So I thought I’d share some photos he texted me a week or so ago.  See, Andrew has one obsession.

No, he actually has two obsessions but the one I’m sharing today is bacon.  He loves him some bacon.  I mean he LOVES bacon.  He likes to eat it.  He likes to talk about it.  He likes to watch videos about it.  He just can’t get enough.  So imagine his delight when his grandparents went to the Erie County Fair and what did they find????  Chocolate covered bacon!!

Chocolate COVERED bacon!!!!

Behold……………………..

And here is Andrew chowing down on the bacon…………………..

Here is what too much chocolate covered bacon can do to you……………….

Thanks, Andrew, for sharing these photos with us.

Not that you’ll ever know about it!  🙂

~Mish~

 

Come And Knock On Our Door

I’ve been under the weather.

Not me, actually, but my computer.  It’s been all bug-ish and virus-y but I think, I THINK, it’s fixed.

So since I’ve been down and out this last week, my sister was kind enough to send me an e-mail from a couple of years ago that I had sent pertaining to a midnight visitor we had while living in NY and I thought I’d share it with you.

Just a couple of things you should know:

1.  The Mr.’s father lived with us at the time and since the Mr. and his dad share the same first name, my Fierce Friend’s dubbed him “Super Daddy”;

2.  The Fierce’s call the Mr.(aka John) “Big Daddy”;

3.  I have an apparent addiction to exclamation points!; and

d.  Andrew was in his room during this whole long ordeal and had no idea any of this was going on………..

Ok, here’s the story:

 “About 3 weeks ago on a Tuesday night, John and I were watching TV, Andrew was in his room, and Super Daddy wasn’t home.  So about 9:30 we decided to go up to watch TV in bed and then go to sleep early.  I was super tired!!!  

So we’re getting the lights & stuff turned off and our doorbell rings.  Thinking its SD returning with no house key, John goes to let him in.  Then I hear John say for me to come in there.  Standing on our sun porch is a young girl with a little t-shirt, sweats & no shoes and she’s crying like crazy.  She wants to use our phone.  Of course, I tell her to come on in the house and try to find out what we can do for her.  

When she comes into the house, I can smell that she is drunk as a skunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She sits down and tries MANY times to dial the phone (the phone number she’s dialing is written on the back of her hand!) but she’s too drunk to dial right.  She’s cussin’ a blue streak and just blubberin’!!!!!  So I try to talk to her and ask if there is someone I can call for her or some place we can take her.  But she says no.  She can’t find her baby.  

Apparently, the baby daddy is sleeping with the girl across the street from us in the crack house!!!!  She dropped her kid (about 3 years old) with the dad and now she can’t find any of them!!!  So I ask if she wants me to call the cops but OH NO definitely she does not cause she’s afraid she’ll get arrested again!!!

AGAIN!!!  YIKES!!

She just keeps begging me to listen to her so I finally sit down at the table with her.  She is snortin’ and snottin’ around so I get a box of kleenex.  

When SD comes home a little bit after that, she’s sitting at the table all slouched down with her leg and bare foot ON THE TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And I’m telling you……….she reeks of alcohol!!!!!  

So she finally gets her friend on the phone and is yelling at her to call the girl across the street (who apparently this friend once had a lesbian affair with) and tell that $!@*& to give her the baby daddy back cause she loves him soooo much!!!!  She goes from crying to screaming and cursing this “friend” and begging her to help her get Mr. Wonderful back!!!!  Then she gives ME the phone to talk to her friend!!  

The friend is about 30 minutes away and won’t come get her but tells me she will call the girl’s mom over on Buffalo Street to come pick her up.  So she gets off the phone and she hears John and SD talking in the living room.  That freaks her out and she’s gets all paranoid that they are calling the cops.  I assure her that they are not but we would be glad to take her home.  She screams at me that she just wants me to listen to her!  So I do.  

She talks and talks about this “wonderful love of her life” who has given her a black eye (it was healing already so I’m not sure how old it was) and she can’t live without him.  Then she shows me the big ole bruises on the insides of both arms where the cops dragged her out of there apartment the previous weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She was arrested for harassment.  

Then she says “If I didn’t love him would I get this tattoo?”  and proceeds to pull down her pants to show me the tattoo on her butt cheek!!!  Then shows me the one in the FRONT!!!!!  LOW in the front!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  By the end of the night she has showed me both of them many, many times!!!!!  

I’m at this point praying as hard as I can that she will get outta my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So she calls her friend again……..more of the same……….crying, screaming, cursing, the whole nine yards!!  But this time she finds out (or I find out cause she keeps giving me the phone) that the kid is with the grandmother and is safe.  So I’m thinking……TIME TO GO HOME!!!  But she’s having none of it!!!!!  

She gets off the phone and needs to go to the bathroom.  I tell her its just around the corner (oh, I had given her a bottle of water at some point thinking maybe that would help sober her up a little…..what do I know about drunk people?????)  So she goes in the bathroom WITH THE PHONE and I step into the living room to tell John whats going on and turn around and she’s peeing with the door wide open and talking on the phone again!!!!!  YUCK!!!!  

I go back into the kitchen and sit down again and she comes out without washing her hands of course and keeps talking to her friend.  She’s starting to sway and stumble so she sits down…………on my lap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Then stays there a good 5-10 minutes talking and sitting on my lap!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

So she finally gets up and after we talk a loooooonnnnnngggggggg while with me trying to witness to her a bit (not sure how much was getting through) and she seems at least a little more sober, then she calls this guy friend to come get her.  She tells him she’ll meet him outside so she gets off the phone and is looking for her purse, which she had left on the sun porch.  

We go out there and she says that she doesn’t even have shoes (she had left them next door for some strange and odd reason).  Then she looks over at my pile of shoes and wants to know whose pink shoes those are???  They were my flipflops I wear on the boat.  I got them at Wal-mart for $5 so I told her she could have them.  Then she says she has no jacket and its getting cold out.  So I go and get one of my older jackets that I rarely wear and tell her she can wear it.  It swallows her of course but she hugs me and I tell her I will be praying for her and she just crys and crys.  

So we go out on the sun porch again and she has a sudden thought that the baby daddy is probably at the bar in Silver Creek.  So she dials (from memory!) the bar’s number and asked for this guy (Charlie).  He’s not there so she dials the other bar in town and hands ME the phone.  They say he’s not there either.  She doesn’t believe that so she says why don’t she and I go get a drink!!!  She says, “Your single, right?”!!!!!  Then she seems surprised that I’m indeed NOT single but married to the guy in the house!!!  Then she wants me to just take her down there to which I said I would take her home but I would not take her to a bar.  

She finally decides to wait for her friend outside so I leave the light on for her and go back in the house.  She did hug me again before she left and thanked me and I again told her I would be praying for her and she clung to me for the longest time.  

When I go back in the house, the phone rings and its her mother.  So I go outside with the phone and look all over for her but she’s gone.  I even go around front and look but she’s nowhere to be found.  Her mom thanks me and apologizes and says her daughter needs to go to AA.  

We finally go up to get ready for bed and while John is in the bathroom, he hears a loud bang!  He comes out and his dad heard it too and came out of his room.  John looks out the upstairs window at the house across the street and sees this girl (her name is Amanda by the way) running around the house!  

By the time I fill John in on the whole story, its after midnight!!!  So much for going to bed early!!!  She didn’t even leave until about 11:30!!!!  

We find out later that the cops did pick  her up that night and then a week later she was arrested again.

Oh one other thing I forgot……..not only did I see her butt tattoos (front AND back!) but before I got the Kleenex out, she lifted her shirt to wipe her nose and I saw her whole upper self!!!!!!!  Geez Louise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So that’s my story!!!!  

Quite a night it was!!!”

I’d like to say that this was the last time we ever saw this girl but she came back many more times (though she was usually sober).  She even brought her kid over one time.  She told me she was going to get her life straightened up but last I heard she was arrested and spent about a year in jail.  I have no idea where she is now.

As for the baby daddy, he eventually moved out with all his drama and I never saw any of them again.

Who says life in a small town is dull????

~Mish~

 

 

…..Your Time Is Running Out!

I’m a deadline person. 

I may have good intentions to get things done but without a deadline, I just can’t even get started. 

Thankfully, I now have a deadline.  And it’s fast approaching!!!

A few of my Fierce Friends are coming to visit over Labor Day weekend and I just can hardly wait!!!  We always have such fun together.  We laugh…….A LOT!!!

And just so the Mr. won’t feel too overwhelmed, Andrew has decided to brave the 500 mile trip with a car full of crazy women and will be here too.  What fun it’s gonna be!!!

So there it is.

My deadline.

Labor Day weekend.

THIS Labor Day weekend.

Like, in two weeks!!

Have you seen my house???

No, of course not because it’s not ready to be seen yet!

That’s precisely my point!!!!

Now, Jane (aka Ginger) has seen the house already and she’s mostly forgiven me for living like a refugee but Dawn & Kathy (Kinky & Xena) have not.  So the last few weeks I have been in a frenzy trying to get the house put together.  And thank the LORD my mom has been helping us.  That woman is a dynamo!!! 

We’ve finally gotten the living room painted and, I must say, it’s spectacular!!  Or at least I think it is.  And this past weekend we got actual “things” up on the walls.

What a miracle!!!  The boxes that have resided in the living room for the last four months have now been emptied.

The Mahal is actually starting to look like a real house!

With real people living in it.

Real slobby people, but people nonetheless!!!

Very exciting!

Unfortunately, there is no possible way I’m going to get it all done by Labor Day weekend.  Well, maybe Labor Day NEXT year but not in two weeks!! 

Even Attila said it couldn’t be done.

Challenge accepted!!

So if I seem crazy and frenzied and out of my head…………..well, you probably won’t notice a difference. 

Sad, but true.

Wish me luck!!

~Mish~

Dr. Me-maw

Do ya’ll have a Me-maw?

Well I did and I think everybody should have one.

Me-maw always had the answer.  No matter what the question.  Me-maw knew what was what!

Years ago before the Mr. and I got hitched, I was having all manner of health issues and was in and out of various and sundry doctor’s offices.  It was exhausting!  Well, one day I developed a toe pain, not to be confused with a “toe pick” (name that movie!) so on one of my many outings to the doc, I asked what could be causing me such pain.  I could barely walk and it hurt to even put my shoe on.  Weird!  The doctor did all kinds of blood tests and x-rays and I don’t know what-all and it was decided that, well, he just didn’t know. 

So that night Me-maw came to visit and I asked, kinda sarcastically, “Me-maw, do you know any home remedy for a sore toe?  Should I boil some bark from a north facing tree and slather it on my foot???” 

Me-maw didn’t even skip a beat, “Why just soak some brown paper in vinegar and wrap it around your toe.”  As if we were discussing the weather!!!  Amazing!!!

So Mom found a brown bag and we cut it into strips, soaked it in vinegar and wrapped it around my toes.  I sat there stinking up the place the rest of the night and then went to bed thinking “what a joke”!!  Not only does my toe still hurt but now I reek of vinegar!!

The next morning, lo and behold, my foot pain was gone!!!  The swelling was gone!!!  The smell was………..well, the smell was still there but glory hallelujah IT WORKED!!!! 

I’m not sure why it worked but Dad remembered something in the nursery rhyme, “Jack and Jill” so I thought I’d share it with you:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

Up got Jack, and home did trot 
As fast as he could caper
He went to bed and bound his head
With vinegar and brown paper.

 Those rhymes aren’t just rhyme-y, they’re educational!!

Who knew????

But this is not the first home remedy of Me-maw’s that I’ve tried (or been forced to try).

For years, Mom has followed in Me-maw’s footsteps and at least twice a year dosed all of us kids with turpentine.

Yep, turpentine!

Well, it’s not exactly the paint thinner, though it does smell just like it.  It’s called Spirits of Turpentine.  I don’t know if that’s because its haunted or what but whatever it is, it’s NASTY!!!

Mom would take a spoonful of sugar, add a drop of turpentine and then a little water.  Then down the hatch!  The worst part (as if the actual mouthful wasn’t bad enough) is that you belch that stuff the rest of the day!!!

A spoonful of sugar may help the medicine go down but only the grace of God KEEPS it down!

I found this picture on e-bay.  It’s not exactly like Mom’s bottle but it’s really close.  I think it’s the original bottle that Me-maw used to poison treat Mom and her brothers. 

I think I should also point out that somewhere on the bottle, it says “For external use only”!  Mom just ignored that part!!!

Another handy home remedy that I use quite often didn’t come from Me-maw, though I’m sure she knew about it.  I heard this one from my older sister, Marti.  I figure that since Marti is a grandmother that maybe she learned this at the annual Grandmother’s Meeting where they get all these great tidbits to amaze their children and grandchildren.  Maybe one day I’ll be included in these meetings! 

HINT,HINT

Anyhow, Marti told me that if you have a bad cough at night, to rub Vicks Salve on the bottom of both feet and you won’t cough.  And it works!  GENIOUS!!!

So this week the Mr. has been hanging on to his sickness like a long lost friend.  He just can’t get over it.  The worst is the cough.  The Mr. has the loudest cough known to man!  It’s loud enough to make your ears ring.  It scares the dog.  It’s unruly and it must be stopped!!! 

Enter Vicks Salve.

Each night before we go to bed, I grab the Mr. by the ankles and slather his feet with the stuff!!!  And usually by the time I’m done, we are both collapsing in hysterics!

Why?

Because the Mr. is ticklish on the bottoms of his feet and I have so enjoyed prolonging his agony by rubbing his feet with cold Vicks!  It’sthe highlight of my day.  🙂

Of course, the fact that he makes me sing “Soft Kitty” when I’m done kinda takes the wind out of my sails!

~Mish~