Archive | January 2013

People Say the Darndest Things

Weather

Today we are having a combo day of Wisconsin & Nebraska.   It’s a little chilly (ok a LOT chilly) and very windy!!

When I went home for lunch today it was even spitting snow a little.  But I had my big girl pants on and I braved the blowing snow and drove myself home and back to work.

Of course, that was mostly because the Mr. wouldn’t drive me!  He thinks I need to toughen up a bit.  I think he’s crazy!!

I told him, “Fine.  At least if I crash and die I won’t have to go to work tomorrow!!”

He assured me that I was not going to crash and die.  But I’m sure if I could have seen his face there would have been a giant eye-roll involved.

I taught him that!!  🙂

Anyway, I get safely back to the parking lot and bundle up for the walk to the office.  I’ve got on my clean Poop Coat and my warm scarf that Mom made me and some gloves.  I’m all set!!!

I’m almost to the office when a man who is walking the other direction looks at me, smiles and says “Bad hair day, isn’t it?”

What????

I say something polite back because, after all, a good Southern girl would never be rude to someone’s face.  We wait and talk about them behind their back!!

I quickly check out my reflection in a window and see that it’s just my hair.

Not windblown.

Not sticking straight up.

Not Rod Stewart-esque.

Just my hair.

The way I INTENDED it to look.

I thought it was stunning!

Oh well, be ready, Christi, we gotta do something with this head!!

~Mish~

 

 

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The Poop Coat

My family gives me lots of grief over my motto:

“Mish don’t do poo”

It’s not that I can’t do poo, it’s that I prefer not to and usually there is someone else around who is more than willing to take care of that kid with the dirty diaper so there is really no need for me to volunteer.

And it’s not that I can’t talk about poo.  The Fierce’s can’t get together without the topic eventually coming around to poo.

I even have a cousin (Judy) that I call “Poo” but that’s because as a teenager she stepped in turkey poop and didn’t realize it was on her shoe until she got to school.  A teenage nightmare!!

On Sunday the Mr. and I decided that Taj needed a good walk and since it had warmed up nice, we went to the upper loop of Cove Spring.  It’s got a great view of the city and the path is nicely paved and there’s not TOO many trees for Taj to dilly-dally at.

The Mr. does not appreciate a dilly-dally.

I had put some poop bags in my coat pocket just to be on the safe side and off we went on our walk.

We didn’t get far when Taj decided he needed to relieve himself.

Sadly, I had put off shaving his backside over the weekend.

Big mistake.

BIG!!

I look at the Mr. and asked what I should do.

Try leaves, he told me.

Great idea.  But since it’s January, all the leaves were brittle as can be and of no help.

I dug around in my coat pocket and found ONE used Kleenex.

Not good.

So I came up with the brilliant idea that if I can get him to run around and shake himself, most of it would come off and then maybe the Kleenex would work.

WRONG!

That little guy shook with all his might but only managed to “spray” the mess all over his sides and legs!!

Now what do I do?????

Water!

I need water.

The quick thinking Mr. gave me the bottle of water he had brought for himself and I poured it on the back of the dog.

Now I’ve got a poopy, wet dog.

And here come some people walking toward us.

They are going to want to pet Taj.

Taj is going to want to jump on them.

We gotta get outta here.  QUICK!!

We turn and start to walk back to the car.

And it hits me……………I’ve got to get this guy home in my new car, which still has that new car smell, without getting poop everywhere!!!

Why, oh why, did we go to the park?????

Why, oh why, did I not shave the Taj butt when I first noticed the need?????

Why, oh why, didn’t we bring the Mr.’s pickup?????

So we get to the car and I dig around the glove box to find some McDonald’s napkins from our last trip to NY.

{At this point, the Mr. is in the car and pretending that he doesn’t even know us!}

I try my best to clean the poor guy up but he’s too far gone.

There’s really only one thing to do.

I take off my coat, put it in Taj’s little car seat and plop my poopy dog right on top!!!

We raced home as quickly as we could and I scooped him up, coat and all, and put him right in the tub.

Needless to say, he was not happy with me.

Needless to say, I wasn’t that happy myself!!!

Taj after the bath!

Taj after the bath!

But to make a long story longer, after the bath and the tub cleanup, I put my coat in the wash and it came out sparkling clean and fresh as a daisy!

Of course, it will forever, from that day forth, be known as the Poop Coat.

~Mish~

Signs & Wonders

church

This morning I got an e-mail from my brother with the subject “Church Ladies with Typewriters”.  It was a list of some funny mistakes found in church bulletins.

Some of these I had seen before but some were new.  Here are a few that I thought were chuckle-worthy:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

 

Since my parents are printers (not printers like a laser printer but they OWN a print shop……and they print stuff……sometimes on a laser printer…….what was I talking about?????)

Oh yeah, my sibs and I have learned to watch for typos and since my dad is a McLean (there’s no other way to explain it) we’ve learned to pick up on the weird things people say.  For instance, when the paper delivery would arrive at the shop, someone would call out “Paper truck is here” to which someone in my family (usually Dad) would respond, “There’s no such thing as a paper truck”.

Get it???

Paper truck.

A truck made of paper.

I know.

We’re weird.

It drives the Mr. crazy.

Anyway, the church I grew up in had a sign at the road and every few weeks, someone would change the message on it.  Sometimes it was inspirational, sometimes informative and sometimes very clever.  One Sunday morning we pulled into the church lot and my sister, Molly, saw the sign.

“Our good friends”???

What about “our good friends”???

We all looked at the sign.

“Molly, it says “Our God Reigns”!!!

Needless to say, the chick needed glasses.

And we’ve never let her forget that day.

Every so often we would sing “Our God Reigns” at church.

Of course, not our row.

Our row was too busy nudging each other and giggling!

In a very worshipful way, of course.  🙂

~Mish~

 

 

What Did You Say??

communication

The Mr. and I met 15 years ago online.  This was in the days before texting or Facebook or LinkedIn or Twitter or any of that other stuff I don’t understand.

As my great-niece would say, it was in the 19’s.

Back in the 19’s we mostly communicated via e-mail.  Then we started to instant message through AOL.  Then came the long phone calls and then finally, we met face-to-face.  For five years we “dated” online and on the phone with a few visits back and forth when we could.

And now, 10 ½ years into marriage, we still keep the lines of communication open.

I’m just not sure which one of us is actually listening.

For example, here is our conversation last night after supper:

Me:  Did you realize that when you fed Taj yesterday morning, you opened a new can of dog food when there was already one open in the fridge?

Mr.:  They never offer 0% on a Tacoma or Tundra.

Me:  Yes, dear, I realize that.  Did you hear what I said?

Mr.:  Yes.

Me:  What did I say?

Mr.:  I can’t remember.

Me:  I just said it.  How did you already forget?

Mr.:  I heard it but my brain interpreted it as unimportant so I put it out of my mind.

How do you argue with that logic????

The man is actually blaming his BRAIN!!!!

But, on the bright side, at least he didn’t take the opportunity to point out the fact that he was feeding the dog while my lazy self was still sprawled out in the bed!

Thanks, hon!  You’re the best!! 🙂

~Mish~

I Just Love Old People

This afternoon at lunch, I had the perfect idea for a funny Friday blog.

And now it’s gone.

POOF

Into thin air.

Don’t have a clue.

I’ve thought and thought and thought but, short of putting a bucket on my head, I’m just not going to be able to come up with it again.

Maybe it’ll come back next week.

I’ll probably think it’s a new idea.

It was really funny.

I think.

Whatever it was.

So in lieu of a super-funny read, I’ll give you this slightly humorous , albeit very true, sign I saw on the Facebook:

cupcakes

Happy Friday, everyone!

~Mish~

 

That’s Just Good Parenting

I remember when my little brother was born.

I was  9.

The day Mom brought him home from the hospital was a pretty cool day.  We got home from school and David Hutcherson was there with a dead deer in the back of his truck (awesome).  We went in the house and there was Mom and Marcus (not as awesome as the dead deer but still pretty good.  Sorry, Marc, I was NINE!)

Of course, I was rockin a pale blue leisure suit so anything after that was just gravy!  😉

After we all got a chance to hold the baby, Mom decided it was time for a diaper change.  She laid him down and looked each of us girls in the eye and said, “Now, girls, boys are different than girls”.

Really?!?!?!?! 

You don’t say?!?!?!?!

{At 9, I thought I was so wise. }

I didn’t realize at the time that my mother was speaking profound truth and I have thought back to this day many times over the years.

But boys aren’t just different.

They’re weird!!

They can’t help it.

They just are.

And mischievous too.

None more so than the Mr.

Yes, that quiet Mr. was indeed a rabble-rouser in his youth!

Now, I didn’t know him back then but from stories I’ve heard, it’s a wonder that his mother didn’t paddle his behind every ding-dong day!!

I’m sure he deserved it.

One day, though, she had had enough!!

Apparently, the Mr. (she didn’t call him that) was riding in the backseat of the car and was acting up pretty badly which doesn’t surprise me in the least!!  He still acts up from time to time.

Anyway, my sweet mother-in-law, who wouldn’t hurt a flea, decided to take a swipe at him from the driver’s seat.

Without looking.

SMACK.

Gave the kid a bloody nose!!!

The Mr. has never let her forget this day but whenever I hear the story, I can’t help but root for his mom!!  I mean, I’ve been tempted to pop him in the nose myself but since I know he’s a bleeder, I have refrained.  🙂

The Mr.’s mom (her right name is Barb) is having a birthday this week.

So happy birthday, Barb; this one’s for you:

parenting

 

~Mish~

The Misadventures of the Mr. and the Mish – Part 2

Being a Southern girl, I had to adapt to a few things in the North that were tough for me but one of the hardest was the Shoe Pile.

Aw……..the Shoe Pile!

For those who have no earthly idea what I’m talking about, it’s a big ole pile of shoes found just inside the door of any home in Western New York.  This is a photo I found online that clearly illustrates the Shoe Pile.  I’m not sure whose shoe’s these are but, please, take a moment to gaze upon the shoes of complete strangers:

shoes at door

Now, I’m not criticizing the Shoe Pile.

I completely understand the purpose of the Shoe Pile but it was a struggle for me.  I don’t know how many times I’ve tripped over someone’s big ole sneakers and how many times I’ve kicked those sneakers across the room!!!  I apparently have the patience of my Dad in those situations!!

But while I lived in the Frozen Tundra, I wholeheartedly embraced the Shoe Pile in my own home.

Well, not literally.

Why would I want to hug a pile of smelly shoes???

The Shoe Pile is a very important part of life in the Great White North.  But not just in the winter.  Oh no, most people continue the Shoe Pile all year long.  And, really, why not?  There’s no need to change your habits for those 2 weeks of summer!  🙂

One Christmas, we were going to my in-law’s to celebrate the birth of our Lord with the Mr.’s family and I decided to make a meat and cheese tray for snacking.  I mean, nothing says “Welcome Christ-Child” like a good summer sausage!!

So I get several kinds of cheese, some pepperoni (the log kind, not the pre-cut!  I am nothing if not gourmet!), the summer sausage and some olives.  It took me a bit longer to cut it all up than I thought so we were running a little late and I was running a little frazzled!!!

Of course, it doesn’t help matters that it’s colder than……..than……….well, than whatever is really cold……….I can’t think of anything!!   It was COLD!!!  Plus snowy.  After all, what’s cold without snowy???

We pull up to my in-law’s house and the kind Mr. takes my tray of meat & cheese & olives so that I could waddle into the house in my snow boots and Gore Tex coat!!

By the time I get to the door, it had already happened.

There stood the Mr. just inside the door looking down at a pile of shoes drowning in summer sausage and cheese cubes!!!!

Man, you should have seen the look on that poor Mr.’s face.

So I did the only thing a frazzled girl could do in that situation.

I cried.

I don’t know why.

I’m just a girl, I guess.

Needless to say, all that good cheese, pepperoni & summer sausage went right in the trash.

I just feel sorry for whoever found the olives in the toe of their shoe!  🙂

~Mish~