How Nightmares Are Born

I was blessed with two awesome grandmothers!

My dad’s mom, bless her heart, had a total of 9 children!

NINE!!!

Yikes!!

She was in her early forties when my dad, the best of the bunch, was born.  So by the time I came along, she was an old lady to me.  But still pretty great!!!

She always had a candy jar full of those nasty circus peanut candies.  Of course, we were forbidden (by our parents) to ever ASK for a piece of candy or anything else for that matter so I didn’t have to partake but Maw-maw usually told us we could have one.  When Marc came along he mastered the “not-asking-ask”.  He would get the candy jar and just bring it to her.  He didn’t actually ASK for any!  Kid was using his nugget on that one!!

My mom’s mother was much younger by comparison.  When I was born, she was a little younger than I am now.

And we all know that is YOUNG!!!

Me-maw lived very near us and we spent a lot of time at her house. Us kids got to spend the night quite a bit.  It was always so much fun!!

She would make us Coke Floats.  And we’d eat exotic foods like macaroni and cheese and lasagna.  And when we were older, she introduced us to Chinese food.

She was the Bombdiggity!!!

Now before you question the exotic-ness of mac & cheese and lasagna, let me point out that my parents do NOT like either of those things so unless Me-maw fixed it for us, we weren’t getting it!

And don’t even get Dad started on Chinese food or pizza!!

Anyway, one of the best things about spending the night with Me-maw was her bedtime stories.  She could tell a great story.

The best story she read us was “The Old Woman and Her Pig”.

Old Woman

Have you ever heard this one?

It’s about, well, an old woman and her pig!

DUH!!!

This old woman (who was in reality probably my age!  UGH!!) bought a pig and she couldn’t get it to go over the stile and she shan’t get home tonight.

Any story with the word “shan’t” in it is gonna be a good one.

Guaranteed!

The old woman goes on to try to find some way to get the pig to jump over the stile so she can get home and with each added verse, Me-maw would read it as fast as she could.  We would collapse in giggles every time!  .

We LOVED it!!

I tried to find a copy of this book to give to Belle when she was little and even had it ordered from a bookstore in NY.  But when the book came, it had been totally changed to be “politically correct”!!!

Are you kidding me????

What’s wrong with this world????

So today I found the story online.

Here’s an excerpt from the book.  Just remember to read it as fast as you can!!!  🙂

Cat! Cat! kill rat;

rat won’t gnaw rope;

rope won’t hang butcher;

butcher won’t kill ox;

ox won’t drink water;

water won’t quench fire;

fire won’t burn stick;

stick won’t beat dog;

dog won’t bite pig;

piggy won’t get over the stile;

and I shan’t get home tonight!

Ok, maybe it IS a little on the rough side what with the dog beating, the ox killing and the butcher hanging but as kids, we loved this story!!!

But our absolute favorite was the story of the Big Toe.

I don’t know if this was a real story or one she just made up but it scared me every time!

Apparently there was a man who cut off his big toe (again, kinda gross but we didn’t think a thing of it!!).  Anyway, he wakes up in the night and hears a voice saying “Where’s my big toe?”

Now I have to explain that Me-maw was very country.  She said things like “knowed” instead of “knew” so when she said “where” it sounded more like “were”.  You’ve GOTTA do that accent for this story or it loses it’s effect!!

Me-maw would say in a spooky voice:  Were’s my big toe?   Were’s my big toe?

And we were on the edge of our seats waiting for what we knew would come!!!

Me-maw said the old man looked all around his house but kept hearing “Were’s my big toe?” Until finally he sneaked (another of Me-maw’s words) and looked in the fireplace and …………

THERE IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me-maw would say that part really loud and we would all jump and squeal!!!!

My heart is pounding just thinking about it!!!

So scary!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes now I’ll  hear a noise downstairs and the Mr. will say, “It’s the big toe”!!

I “knowed” it was a mistake telling him this story!!

Sweet Dreams!!!!

~Mish~

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “How Nightmares Are Born

  1. I laughed the whole time I was reading this post! I miss her so much. I kind of teared up too, but don’t tell anyone. She was the Bombdiggity!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s