The List

Back in my younger days, all I wanted to do was “go out”.

Didn’t matter where or with who just “go out”.  I loved to go places with my friends and with my family and just be “out”.

Not “outside” mind you.

That’s a whole other thing.

But now that I’m in my not-so-younger years, all I want to do is stay home!!

How did that happen????

I still like to get together with my friends and family but I’d just rather them come to my house.  There’s a comfort level to it, I guess; besides the fact that if it’s at my house, I don’t have to worry about being late.

Unfortunately, hosting also means cleaning.

And by cleaning I really mean straightening.

But let’s face it:  the only way my house is getting cleaned/straightened is if I’m having folks over.

I’m a deadline girl.

So last week when we found out that the kids were coming to visit, all manner of frenzy ensued.

My first order of business was “The List”.

Oh yes, there must be a list and that list must be made into an Excel spreadsheet.

I get the list-thing from my mother.

The Excel spreadsheet???

That’s just my own brand of crazy pushing to the forefront!

The List is really two-fold.

Firstly, because I’m old and I can’t remember stuff; and second-ish because with The List, I can mark off stuff so as to appear that I’m accomplishing things.

Of course, that means that every single solitary thing that I plan to do gets put on The List.

For instance, you can’t just put “Clean Bathroom”.

Oh no, that will never do!!

Instead, The List says:

  • Clean toilet
  • Clean sink
  • Clean tub
  • Empty trash
  • Sweep floor
  • Mop Floor
  • Clean mirror

Yes it makes for an extra long list but look at all the crossing-off potential!!

Not only is the bathroom clean, but I’ve managed to knock off SEVEN things from The List!!

Mission so accomplished!!

And now that I’ve crossed off 37 items from The List, I’m feeling pretty good about myself.

Except that I’ve still got 36 more things to do!

The hardest by far was the kitchen sweeping and mopping.

I figured that since I really hate to sweep and/or mop, I better do it right so I moved everything out of the kitchen.

Then I started sweeping.

I swept and I swept and I swept.

It seemed that I would never get finished until I realized the problem….


Have you ever tried to sweep a floor with a four-legged Swiffer walking through your dust pile?

After fussing at him for the millionth time to get out of that pile of rejected dog food that was along the edges of the floor that he now has all kinds of interest in, he turns and looks at me with this huge dust-bunny hanging from his nose!!

I wish I had a picture to show you but hello……SWEEPING!!!!


So I got it all swept and started mopping and since our little pooch doesn’t like to get his paws wet, he left me alone to sweat it out by myself.

And where was the Mr., you ask??

Well, after telling me that if I did the sweeping he would do the mopping, he promptly disappeared.

But never fear, he had his own cleaning project going so it’s all good!!

I finally got it all done and put the mop and bucket in the laundry room, telling the Mr. that I was too ding-dong tired to dump the water.  I’d just do it later.

Well, later ended up being about 9:30 at night because…..

It wasn’t on The List!!!!!

How could I have missed putting this on The List???

I would have felt GREAT marking that one off!!

When I finally remembered the bucket, I decided I would go out through the garage and dump the water around back.  Taj, of course, came with me.  I dumped the bucket, wrung out the mop and left it all on the runway to dry out.

{For those of you who don’t know, the runway is the sidewalk that goes the length of our house from the back patio to the garage.  We call it the runway because Mr. Prancy-pants likes to strut down the walk}

{Also, Mr. Prancy-pants is Taj…..not the Mr.!}

So the next morning, I stiffly got up out of bed (people really shouldn’t clean when they’re not used to it!!) and let Taj out the back door.

Now at 6:30 in the morning it’s pretty dark so I turned on the outside light.

Taj took about 2 steps and stopped.

Something caught his eye.

Something was blocking his way.

Something was scaring him to death.

Then the barking started.

He’d take a step forward then run back to the door and bark his head off.

I peek down the walk and there it was………….the ever-so-scary MOP!!!



I tried to explain to him that it was just the mop and bucket.

I reminded him that he saw me put it there last night.

I tried to calm him but……….HE’S A DOG!!!

So I go outside in my nightgown, down the runway and show Taj that it’s ok; it’s just a mop.

But he would have none of it!!!!

I guess that’s what happens when you only clean once a year.

Nobody in my house recognizes it!!  🙂



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