Archive | April 2015

Giant Stinkers, Helicopters and an Actual Giant

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been a little lax in the blogging department and I do sincerely apologize.

The thing is, most of the time I write these in my head early in the morning or late at night and then I either forget to actually post them to the interweb or, in my old age, I think I’ve already done it!!

So it got me thinking about some things I was going to write about and I remembered promising a post about giant stinkers.

And then I didn’t do it.

And who among us wouldn’t want to read about giant stinkers?????

For the past few years, we’ve noticed an abundance of mosquitoes in our backyard.

Like, they are THICK!!

We’ve checked and double-checked for standing water and just couldn’t find any.

Until the Mr. decided it was time to clean the gutters.

I would never have thought to clean the gutters because frankly they are too high up for me to notice.

Or clean.

So that good ole Mr. climbed up to have a look-see and, lo AND behold, those suckers were FULL.

Full of water and helicopters!

You know the ones I mean.


We have a big ole maple tree in our yard and it’s been tossing helicopters at us for years and those guys were clogging up the gutters and causing all kinds of problems.

Well, that Mr. got out his new pressure washer (he has since pressure washed EVERYTHING!!) and got to work shooting that clog out of the gutters.

And out it came.

Down the spout and onto the ground.

And do you know what decomposing helicopters look like?

Well, I’d be glad to tell you but I’m starting to gag at the memory so I’ll let you use your imagination.

Suffice it to say the goo that came out was blacker than pitch and quite chunky!

And do you know what decomposing helicopters smell like????



The only one at our house who wasn’t totally grossed out was Taj. He tried every way in this world to roll around in that nasty pile.

I don’t know where he learned such a thing.

It’s almost like he’s a dog.

Anyway, once the Mr. was done and the gutters were nice and cleaned out, do you know where those mosquitoes ended up for the summer?


Because apparently, the Mr. and I taste delicious!!

Giant stinkers got me thinking about an encounter with an ACTUAL giant. And I hope I haven’t already shared this. I’ve started to many times but I think (I THINK) I haven’t done it yet.

So in honor of my friend Cara Sue’s birthday….

Her 50th birthday…..

As in……….she’s FIFTY……

I thought I’d share this story about her and the day she was trapped by a giant.

(Cara, you’re welcome!) 🙂

When we were in high school, lo these many years ago, there was a fella named Terry (I think) and he was a football player. He was HUGE!!!

And they called him Sasquatch.


One day my friend Cara was walking down the hall between classes and it was very crowded. People were everywhere.

Now, if you’re petite, then you know exactly what I’m saying here but let me tell the rest of you Amazon people that when you can’t see above the crowd, you’ve got to just weave in and out of folks as best you can. The bad part is that most of the time, the Talls can’t see you and your weaving.

And that’s what happened to Cara.

As she, Miss 4’11”, was bobbing and weaving passed Sasquatch and his gargantuan friends, he lowered his arm and there was my little friend.


In the armpit of Sasquatch.

I’m not sure how long she was trapped there but I don’t think Sasquatch ever noticed she was there and eventually released her to scurry on her way.

So let that be a lesson to all of you out there who are 5’ tall or less……..always watch out for Bigfoot when navigating a crowded hallway.

And also…………happy 50th birthday, Cara Sue!!



Calgon Take Me Away

Have you ever had one of those days?

You know the ones.

The ones where you would have been better off to just snuggle down in those covers and sleep the day away?

Well, that’s exactly what I should have done today.

It started out like every other work day.

I hauled myself up out of a deep sleep to let the dogs out.

Yes, I said dogs.

As in more than one.

For those of you who don’t know, we added to our family a few months ago.

You remember Shadow, the dog I spent MONTHS begging the Mr. for?

Well, it’s a long story but let me just say:

We got a new dog.

His name is Shadow.

{Ok, I guess it’s not that long a story!}

Anywho, I let the dogs out, answering the age-old question of “who” and by the time I got them fed, medicated (Shadow) and cheesed (both), I was a smidge on the tardy side.

Of course, that didn’t stop me from laying back down on the bed for a “minute”.

I eventually, after many minutes, got myself back up and started getting ready for work.

Let me pause right here to bring you up to speed on a couple of riveting things:

1. Since Shadow has come into our lives, the days of morning showers are long gone! That cutie guy wakes me up at such odd times, I can’t get on a schedule so I’ve just switched to night showers. It works pretty well except for the hair.

2. A while back I finally got fed up with the shaggy mane that is my hair and had Christi just cut it all off!!! I told her I needed to be able to wash it at night and she said “no problem, just wet it the next morning, dry & style it”.


That has YET to happen.

Yes, I’ve washed it.

Yes, I’ve dried it.

But oh, no, I have not even THOUGHT about wetting it the next morning.

I just go with whatever wild thing I wake up with.

And that brings us to this morning.

When I sat down at the dressing table to work on this head, it became obvious that a family of muskrats had made a nest in my hair.

I think it was Suzy and Sam.

That hair was WILD and was sticking up every which way.

So I curled and sprayed and waxed and sprayed and curled some more and finally got it in some semblance of order. Though I’m afraid the back still shows signs of a rodent party.

By the time I did all that, brushed my teeth, put on my shoes and grabbed my purse, I was really running late.

And now the dogs are barking.

Well, actually, only one barks.

The other honks.

And the more Taj barks, the more Shadow honks.

It can be quite deafening.

So I race to the laundry room and set the security alarm.

Now I have 60 seconds to get out the door before the alarm sounds.

I hurry to the garage door and pull.

And tug.

And pull.

And tug.

That silly door has swollen so much, that my little noodle arms can’t get it open.

FINALLY, it opens and out runs Shadow!!

Right into the garage.

Now, I’ve got Bob Barker behind me, mad because he thinks his brother is going for a ride.

I’ve got Honky McHonker running all around the garage thinking he’s going for a ride.

And time is ticking down on that crazy alarm!!!


That was it.

That was my cue.

That’s where I should have hit the sheets.

Instead, I shut off the alarm, convinced Shadow to come back in the house and we started all over.

This time I was able to use my big ole purse to block that slippery little devil from getting out the door.

Or course, the whole time it’s BARK, BARK, BARK, HONK, HONK, HONK…………

I shoulda stayed in bed.