Things That Go Bump In The Night

I realize I’ve been absent from this here blog thing for a little bit.

But that doesn’t mean that nothing funny has been happening. I’ve got some funny stuff in the hopper.

Ok…….I don’t really have a hopper.

But if I DID, it would be full of funny stuff!!!

I’ve been wanting to share this for a while but I needed to get the proper permissions and make sure all the names were changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Ok……..I’m not changing the names at all but I DID need to get permission before sharing because as soon as this happened…………..as SOON as it happened………….the Mr. forbade me from sharing it with the whole interweb!!!

I hate when he squelches the funny!!!

But now I think it’s safe to share.

I think!!

Anyway, a few months back, my sweet insomniatic dogs woke me up in the middle of the night to go see if there was anything fun going on outside.

Well, one wanted to go roam the out of doors, the other just wanted a midnight snack.

That one was a lot like his mother (RIP Shad!).

When I finally got everybody trudged back up the stairs, I turned around to make sure I was leaving no man behind and what in this world was that……………A HUGE SPIDER!

Now I know that some of you believe that I’m given to exaggeration but let me just tell you, it was the biggest spider I’ve ever seen.

EVER!!!

And it was right beside the door to the hall closet.

There was no way I was leaving that thing there so I immediately went to the bedroom to get a fly-swatter.

Yes, there is a fly-swatter in my bedroom.

And one in Shelby’s bedroom.

And one in the laundry room.

And one in the Mr.’s office.

Because, let me tell you, the LAST thing you want is to have some big ole yucky bug standing between you and the place where you keep the fly-swatter.

I feel like I’m prepared for any fly-swat emergency!

Well, almost any.

Because when I got that fly-swatter, I realized that the handle was too short.

Too short by at least 10 feet!!!

I was gonna have to get waaaaayyyyy too close to that spider to kill it.

And what if it jumps??????

I shudder just thinking about it.

Friends, it was a BIG spider!

So, I thought and thought.

“What is the one thing in our bedroom that the Mr. swears will kill anything?”

HAIRSPRAY!!!

{Yes, he’s convinced I’m slowly killing us all with hairspray.}

I grab my big ole can and start spraying.

That spider doesn’t even flinch.

{But his hair was LOVELY!}

At this point, I’m all out of ideas.

So I ever so gently wake the Mr. with “Honey, I need you to come kill a spider. Bring your gun.”

Thankfully, that got his attention and he hopped up right away.

He came out into the hall and I think contemplated just burning the house down with us and that spider still there!

IT WAS A BIG SPIDER, Y’ALL!!!!

To his credit, he got a lot closer to that thing than I did, but when he whacked it with the fly-swatter, it crawled under the hall door!!

He flung open the door and was faced with a bunch of “stuff” that his loving wife stored in the closet because her too-big house wasn’t near big enough for all her junk!!

Let the fussing begin!!

Oh well, this time, in this place, with this spider, he was right!!

He was able to find the spider under an old wreath.

He found it because you could HEAR that big ole thing walking around!!!

So he stunned it with Tresemme until he could flail the tar out of it!!

After flushing it down the toilet, he came back to the bedroom with a frightening question……

What about it’s friends?

What about it’s family?

What about it’s BABIES???????

Could there be more where that guy came from???

Lordy, I hope not.

But while I was ready to lay back down and go to sleep, the Mr. was on the hunt!!!

He looked around the closets.

He looked around our bed.

He even looked under the bed.

And that’s when it happened!!!

Did I mention that the Mr. sleeps in his all-togethers?

Well, when he got on the floor in his undies to check under the bed, Taj took that moment to brush his hairy body up against the Mr.’s nakedness.

The Mr.’s reaction still makes me chuckle to this very day!!!

And that’s when I was told to never, ever share this story!! 🙂

~Mish~

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One thought on “Things That Go Bump In The Night

  1. See, I completely understand the whole ” fly swatter in every room” mentality. I mean, what the heck are you supposed too kill the winged devils with?? I know!!!! 22 foot shooting foam!!! It may say use outside, but I’m pretty sure it’s just a suggestion. I feel your pain Mish! I don’t blame John either!! I HAVE to see the corpse.

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