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The Truth is Out

A few months ago, I was invited to an online party by the Mr.’s cousin, Kim. It was for a company I didn’t know too much about but it intrigued me.

It was a Jamberry party.

I have always enjoyed having my nails “done”, especially so that I can show off my collection of what the Mr. calls gaudy rings.

So I bought some of the Jamberry nail wraps so give them a try.

{For those who don’t know, nail wraps are basically vinyl stickers for your nails.}

When my order arrived, I was super excited but also nervous about trying them.

What if it was hard to do?

What if I messed them up?

What if the Mr. finds out how much I spent???

So after about a week of them sitting in the box, I decided to take the plunge.

I started with a pedicure to be on the safe side. I figured, if they didn’t look good, I could always cover them up and no one would be the wiser.

Now, let me explain the difficulties of toes.

Or more accurately, chubby girl toes.

Problem #1 is that they are more difficult to actually reach than slim girl toes.

I have a co-worker who is so thin that she can sit with her knee practically up her nose. I can hardly even get my leg up in the chair, let alone up my nostril.

{Not that she DOES that. She just could, if she so chose.}

Problem #2 occurs when said chubby girl is also Mrs. Magoo and can’t actually SEE her toes so good.

I mean, I’ve got bifocals.

Because my eyes require two sets of focals.

But my feet land somewhere between too close and too far away to make those silly glasses useful.

I soldiered on and got those wraps on pretty well, I thought.

I was proud.

First toes

{I have now completely grossed out my brother!! Sorry, Marcus!}

The next morning I woke up feeling something weird.

Between my toes.

Something was caught!!

Yep…………the wrap from my teeny-tiny pinky toe was now wedged BETWEEN two toes!!!

I chuckled to myself but figured that nobody would notice that little pinky guy.

A couple of days later, I asked the Mr. if he would help me change the sheets on our bed.

There is nothing better in life than getting into a bed with fresh, clean sheets.

NOTHING!

I can actually change the sheets myself but most of the time I’m also fighting off the little red man who believes that there is nothing better in life than clean sheet……….to roll around on!!!

Because what’s better than Taj-smelling sheets????

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{And now I’ve totally grossed out my cousin! Sorry, Debbie!}

So as we are removing the dirty sheets, the Mr. spots something in the middle of the bed.

“What’s that???”

Taj and I go in to investigate.

MY TOE!!!!

“Your TOE????”

My TOENAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Your TOENAIL?????????????”

Well, not my REAL toenail.

The wrap that was ON my toenail.

I didn’t even know it was missing!

I grabbed that little toenail wrap and as I looked up into the face of my beloved, I saw the exact moment that realization hit.

I saw, with just a look on his face and a slight shake of his head, that he now knew the truth.

“Girls are weird”.

And life will never be the same.

~Mish~

Pride Goeth Before A Fall…..

It’s Christmas Week!!

YAY!

This year I am determined to be organized and ready to thoroughly enjoy time with family and friends.

Plus I’m super excited to see what Santa is bringing me!! 🙂

I had 2 goals for the weekend…..

1.  Finish wrapping all the presents; and

2.  Get my grocery shopping done.

The first goal was pretty easy. I got everything wrapped and under the tree and even re-wrapped Shelby’s gift that Taj had angrily unwrapped last week. Silly dog!

The big challenge was Kroger.

Now, normally I detest the grocery.

I hate the planning, the list, the driving to and from, the shopping and loading and unloading of the car. And after all that, I get to look forward to the putting away of all the stuff.

Not my idea of a fun day!

But I knew that Sunday would be the worst Kroger day of them all.

Because I knew that everyone in this town would be getting their Christmas grocery shopping done on this same day at the same time.

I even warned the Mr. that I could be gone for HOURS!

And sure enough, the parking lot was full.

I tried to snag a cart from the lot to save time in the store (Belle taught me that trick!) but there were none.

I went in the store and there were TWO carts.

TWO!

Not a good sign.

I quickly went up and down each aisle, grabbing the stuff on my list.

I was feeling pretty good about myself.

I was getting this DONE!!

Then I turned the corner on the baking aisle.

Oh my goomy-gosh!!!

It was like an obstacle course, full of people, carts and PEOPLE!

So I hiked up my big-girl-britches and pushed my way into the crowd.

Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me……….

And that’s where I ran into my first problem.

I’m not sure exactly who designed grocery stores or who decided what items go on which shelves, or even how deep those shelves need to be but I’m pretty confident that it was a taller-than-average GIANT.

I needed some Bisquick.

Well, apparently so did everybody else in Frankfort because there were only a few left.

A few.

On the top shelf.

Pushed all the way to the back!

TALL PERSON……………I NEED A TALL PERSON!!!

I looked around and didn’t see anyone who I deemed tall enough to reach that silly Bisquick.

Then I spotted her.

Coming up the aisle was a young girl who stood head and shoulders above the crowd.

Putting on my most pathetic short-girl face, I asked this amazon-child if she would be so kind as to get me one of those Bisquicks down. She so nicely climbed up the shelves and got me one.

As I’m thanking her, I hear a lady behind me say “Would you mind grabbing me two of those?”.

Sure enough, a line of short little ladies was forming behind me.

I hope that girl wasn’t stuck too long in the Bisquick section!!

Oops!

I finally got out of that store with most of my sanity in place, though there was a tense moment when I couldn’t find the cocoa and a nice lady helped talk me through where it might be.

Kroger is so fun!

I got home with all my purchases, the Mr. helped carry it all in and I began the task of finding a place for it all.

In no time, I had it all put away and even organized all the items I bought for making various and sundry dishes to take to the Christmas goings-on this week. I’ve got all the non-refrigerated items in bags according to the recipes and stored in another room. This will ensure that the Mr. doesn’t dip into any of the goodies that aren’t for plain guzzlin’.

By the time I went to bed last night, I was feeling as proud as a peacock at how “READY” I am for this week.

Gifts are wrapped, groceries are purchased, and I only have to work 2 days this week.

I could not be more proud of myself.

Pride.

It’s a dangerous thing.

Just when you feel you’ve got life all together, you forget one little thing.

One little important thing.

Something like setting the alarm clock.

I heard Taj snorting around this morning and prayed that he would go back to sleep “until the alarm goes off”.

{I pray this a lot.}

Thank the good Lord that Taj didn’t go back to sleep.

No, instead he climbed up in the bed with us and started rolling around and even barked a little bark to wake me up.

I finally stirred and looked at the clock.

6:14.

SIX:FOURTEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

I overslept!!!

By fourteen minutes!!!!!

I jumped up, got in the shower and I’ve been at a dead run ever since.

Well, maybe not a run.

I did take a minutes or two to lay back down after my shower.

Getting ready for work can be exhausting!!!

Oh well, so much for being ready and organized.

What would I do without my little Taj-y?????

Probably still be asleep, that’s what!!

Merry Christmas, ya’ll.

~Mish~

 

Fluffed and Buffed

Today was Spa Day for Taj.

He so loves going to the groomer’s.

He doesn’t like STAYING at the groomer’s but the going is big fun!!

We’re really happy with the clinic where Taj goes, both for grooming and to see the vet.  Everybody is really nice and they seem to really love Taj.

Of course, what’s not to love?!?!?!?!

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It’s a place where everybody knows his name.

Like Norm at Cheers.

When I take him in, all the girls say “Taj!!” as if it’s been forever since they’ve seen him.

And he prances and struts around like the big dog on campus.

But when I pick him up, it’s a different story.

When I go get him at lunchtime, he’s mad.

I mean, he is ticked right off!!

How DARE I leave him.

How DARE I let them clip his toenails.

How DARE I allow the booty-shaving that he so desperately needs.

And today was no different.

He wouldn’t look at me.

He wouldn’t kiss me (and he’s a kisser from way back).

He wanted nothing to do with me………until I started eating lunch.  Then I was his BFF.

So after dropping him off at home, I was heading back to work and my phone rings.

The Mr. has my phone set up to ring through the car stereo and the caller ID even comes up on the console.

That Mr. is one smart dude.

Of course, Mrs. Magoo can’t read the caller ID and drive at the same time so I just hit the button to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Animal Medical Clinic.  I’m calling to let you know that Taj is ready to be picked up.”

…..

“I picked him up already.”

“You did????”

“Yes, about 45 minutes ago.”

“Oh, ok. Bye.”

Oh yes, they are right on the ball today! 🙂

Gave me a bit of a chuckle!

Happy Monday, everyone!!

~Mish~

 

 

I Spy

See this face?

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So cute.

So furry.

So innocent.

So NOT!!

It’s no secret that I love and spoil this little guy rotten.  And most usually he’s good as gold.

But last night he was rambunctious.

He was sneaky.

He was…..well, he was funny!!

I’ve shared with ya’ll before how the Mr. sometimes snores.

Right.In.My.EAR!!

So my solution?  Ear plugs.

Actually plug.  Singular.

I figure since I’ve got one ear firmly smashed into the pillow, I just need a plug for the top ear.  The one he’s snoring directly into!!

So I bought these lovely hot pink ear plugs and keep them on the table beside my bed.  Then if I need one, I can simply reach over, grab a plug and problem solved.

Well, ok, maybe it’s not “simply”.

I do huff and puff and moan and groan just to show that Mr. how much of an annoyance it is to reach over to the side table.

He doesn’t notice.

He just snores away!

Well, the other night, I noticed that one of those hot pink plugs had fallen between the mattress and the rail of the bed and was perched just out of my reach.

I tried to get it but my Pika fingers were too short and my man-hands were too huge to grab it.

So I left it.

Big mistake.

HUGE!

Last night, after staying up later than usual to watch the officials hand over a win to the Miami Dolphins………snatched from the reach of our beloved Buffalo Bills, I finally got in bed and did my wifely duty of scratching the Mr.’s back while he relaxed.

And by wifely duty, I mean I complained and huffed and puffed and flipped and flopped around to show my dislike of this ritual.

He didn’t pay attention.

He was relaxing.

Then we heard it.

A faint scratching sound.

Taj was under the bed!

Now it really doesn’t bother me that he goes under there.  It’s really quite funny to watch him army-crawl from one side to the other.  Though it is pretty dusty down there and he probably doesn’t need to be breathing all that in.

But it bugs the stuffin’ out of the Mr. that he’s under there.  He’s sure that the bed will fall and crush Taj to death.

Now, let’s be clear, we have never, EVER broken our bed down and while we are neither one of us skinny-minny’s, the chances of us falling on our little Taj are pretty slim.

But once the Mr. mentions the squishing of the dog, I start to worry and have to get up and get him out of there.

Last night, though, I was too tired so I just leaned over the bed to call him out.

And when I did, this is what I saw:

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There was that little Taj-y scratching and clawing and licking at the bed rail.

What was he doing??

There’s nothing there!

There’s.

Nothing.

There.

Then it hit me!!!

The plug………..it was gone!!!!

So I guess I’m now on poop patrol until that hot pink plug makes an appearance!!

Should be a fun weekend! 😦

~Mish~

 

Light as a Feather

The wonderful world of TV viewing is coming to an end.

No, we’re not getting rid of the TV.

The Mr. wouldn’t stand a chance of living another day if he even SUGGESTED that we give up the television set.

What I mean is that summer is here and shows are ending until fall and the Mr. couldn’t be happier about it!

He started fussing around March-ish that he was ready for the shows to end and all kinds of bike riding and hiking and other sweaty-I-can’t-believe-he-talked-me-into-this activities begin.

But the other night we were trying to catch up on some TV watching and our sweet dog, whose hair is starting to grow back by the way, wanted desperately to come and sit with us.

So since he gets whatever he wants, up on the couch he came.  But the seat wasn’t quite high enough for his liking. He just had to climb up on the back of the couch so he could survey his kingdom a little more clearly.

While he was up there keeping watch, the Mr. decided it was the perfect opportunity for me to rub his smelly old feet!!!

And I, like a dutiful wife, obeyed his command.

Ok, I think I better clarify.

First of all, he didn’t really command; it was more of a whiney-beg.

Second of all, I wasn’t very dutiful because I complained to high heaven the whole time and even threw in a couple of tickles because I know he hates that.

Wife of the year, I think not!!

So we are watching TV in peace when all of a sudden, the Mr. cries out and his legs go flying!!!!

He almost kicked me right in the face!

What caused this sudden and violent outburst????

Was it an earthquake?

No.

Was it a bee and/or spider?

Nope.

Was it sudden onset of Tourette’s?

Not even.

Our cat-like dog who is neither light on his feet or even LIGHT decided he was ready to get down and PLOP!!

Right on the Mr.’s belly like a bowling ball!!!

{Taj is like a bowling ball not the Mr.’s belly!!}

Then Taj and all his 14 lbs. just stood there on the Mr.’s stomach and looked down at him like “WHAT??”.

Needless to say, wife-extraordinaire that I am , I just cracked right up!!!

The Mr.?

Not so much!!

~Mish~

 

 

Wonderful World of Taj

As you know, I’ve committed to 7 blog posts in 7 days and I’m already struggling at Day 4!

Not a good sign.

The Mr. is apparently watching his P’s and Q’s  so as not to give me any new material so I’m leaning on a good ole standby…..Taj.

That little guy cracks me up and I know that my brother-in-law, David, LOVES when I post pictures of Taj on Facebook so he’s gonna really dig this!!

Last week when I was on my deathbed with the fatal diagnosis of Snuffy-Snotty-Head Syndrome, my little Taj-man was right there to take care of me.

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As you can see, he takes his nursing responsibilities VERY seriously!

Sometimes he gets to go for a ride in the car.  Especially on weekend mornings when I have to go get the Mr. some breakfast at 10:55.  The time is important because McDonald’s switches to lunch at 11:00.

It’s always a race!

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Taj loves to ride in the car but he HATES when you stop.

Like at red lights.

Or stop signs.

Or in the drive-through.

And he barks.

And barks.

And barks.

And BARKS!!

He’s a madman!!

And I’m not talking a deep, manly bark.

His bark is the most high-pitched, shrill, ear-piercing bark that you’ve ever heard in your whole ding-dong life!!

Imagine that sound.

Now imagine you’re in a car with it.

With the windows rolled up.

It’s enough to make you want to kill someone.

Not the dog.

Someone.

But last night, the little guy just cracked me up.

Now this story may gross some of you out.

I’m thinking, Debbie, you may want to stop reading, if you haven’t already!

One of Taj’s very favorite things is string cheese.

Really any cheese.

Or any food for that matter.

But he’s learned the word “cheese” and earlier in the night when he was fast asleep, I mentioned to the Mr. that I had a hankerin’ for a hunk of cheese.

Well, that little dog’s head snapped around so fast I was sure he had whiplash!!

I got him calmed down and forgot all about getting that cheese.

Until I got ready to go to bed.

The Mr. had already gone upstairs and I was getting the lights turned out and the alarm set and I had just come out of the bathroom when I thought “CHEESE”.

{Don’t even try to analyze why I would be thinking of cheese in the bathroom.}

{I’m an enigma!}

I looked around and there was no one in sight.

Taj must have gone up to bed with his dad.

So very quietly I opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a stick of string cheese.  When I closed the fridge door, THERE HE WAS!!!!

It was like a horror movie!

He can be quite stealth when food is involved.

At that point, Taj wouldn’t leave my side.

He followed me up the stairs.

He watched me plug in my cell phone, take my pills and put on my jammies.

Then I peeled that plastic off the cheese and he almost lost his little mind with excitement!

Up on the bed he went as I’m trying to lay down and keep him from stealing my cheese!

Now, I’m not a cheese peeler.  I’m a cheese biter.

I know.

You’re supposed to string it.

Hence the name.

But I’m always afraid that I……I mean Taj……will choke on the strings so I bite.

For every bite I took, I gave him a little bite.

And NO……I didn’t LET him bite it…..I bit it and handed him the bite.

That would be gross!

But not nearly as gross as the next thing COULD have been.

While I’m chewing my last bite, I’m explaining to Taj that there is no more.  But he’s standing on my pillow, looking down at me chewing so I open my mouth and stick out my tongue.

Apparently, this is something he’s never experienced before.

Or it may have been the cheese bits on my tongue (I was still chewing after all!).

But he’s staring at my tongue.

And then he leans in.

Then he leans in a little closer.

Now let me assure you that there was NO WAY IN THIS WORLD that I was gonna let that dog lick my tongue!

NO.

WAY.

IN.

THIS.

WORLD.

But the expression on his face was so funny that I laughed.

And when I laughed my tongue moved.

Well, you would have thought that a monster popped right out of my face the way that dog jumped!!!!

Scared him to absolute death!!!!

That really got me laughing so I stuck my tongue out again and he ran.

So I guess now I know that he will always be my protector from bad guys.

As long as that bad guy doesn’t stick out his tongue!

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~Mish~

Taj’s Mom Is A Dog

So I told you yesterday that Taj was going to have a bad day today.

Not only did he have blood drawn but he also had a “spa day” where they trimmed his nails (HATES that!), gave him a bath (REALLY hates that!) and worst of all, shaved his little hiney!!

By the time I picked him up at lunch, he was fit to be tied and was determined to make me pay.

What a brat!!

When we walked in the door, the Mr. told me that Dad had stopped by.

Really???

In the middle of the day?

What did he want?

Is everything ok?

The Mr. said he was dropping something off.

And there on the table was a bag with a note attached:

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NO WAY!!!

Granna DOES love her little Taj-magaj!!!

There in that bag was Taj’s very own afghan.

She apparently had been working on it as a surprise.

Then I, the Mouth of the South, had to go and call her out right on the interweb!

It’s a good thing she loves Taj so much or else she’d give that blanket to some other pooch.

And he LOVES it!!!

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It’s the perfect size for a guy his age and it is the perfect complement to his mom’s afghan, which was the best one anyway!

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So Mom, I apologize with my eyes closed and Taj and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the lovely throw.

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You’re the best!!

~Mish~