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Animal House

Animal_House

I cannot express to you how much better I’m feeling.

Apparently the sickness has run its course and I’m almost back to normal.

I say almost because I’m exhausted today from partying last evening with a bunch of church women until all hours of the night and day.

Actually it was about 10:00 when I got home but by Mish-Standard-Time, that’s hooka late.

By the time I got in bed it was pert-near 11:30!!

So my tail-feathers are draggin’ today.

And we’ve gotta do it all over again tonight.

I may be old for this crowd.

Or maybe too Baptist.

I’m not sure which.

I do, however, think that my self-diagnosed West Nile may be coming to an end.

Which is a good thing but things around the Mahal have been a little strange lately.

More strange than normal.

First of all, it has rained and poured for forty daysies-daysies!!!

I mean, it has POURED!

And RAINED!

And the water just kept a-comin’ up and a-comin’ up!

We had to drain water from our pool 2 times in 3 days.

Now that’s just too much rain, in my opinion.

Not that anyone asked my opinion, but there it is.

Last Wednesday evening, during a small little break in the deluge, Taj saw something out the front window.  He was sitting on the back of my chair, very cat-like, and started to bark.  The Mr. turned to see what it was and said there was a cat outside.  So I had to look too and pulled the curtain back for better viewing.

{Apparently shears can even be too much for Mrs. Magoo to see through.}

{I know, it’s sad!}

Indeed there was a big ole black cat with the most beautiful, intense eyes at the end of our driveway.

{The eyes weren’t at the end of our driveway, the cat was.}

{Well, actually the eyes were with the cat so I guess they were.}

{Whatever!}

black car

And those eyes were locked onto my little Taj.

Of course, being the instigator that I am, I started telling Taj “watch out; that cat’s gonna get you; he’s coming after you, buddy” which really freaked him out.

Funny thing was, that cat WAS coming after him!!

That cat was slinking up our driveway, never taking his eyes off of Taj.  As he got closer to the window, Taj started backing up!!

He’s big and brave…….to a point.

Like his mom.

So the Mr. opened the front door and we all ran to look out as the cat prowled by, all the while staring eyeball to eyeball with the dog.

Next we went into the Mr.’s office and looked out onto the side porch and sure enough there was that cat waiting for us.  He stood there, eyes locked onto Taj just wagging his tail back and forth!

Then the Mr. said the strangest thing…..

“Should we give him some food???”

Give him food????

Is he nuts???

Do we want a cat???

The answer is most resoundingly NO!

So a couple of days go by and once again, we sent out a dove and when it didn’t drown in the downpour, we decided to go out to drain some water from our now-too-full pool.

While it was draining, the Mr. decided to go empty the filter basket.

And there it was…..

Floating in the basket……

Big as you please…..

The cat version of a horse head in the bed….

A dead bird!!!

IN THE FILTER BASKET!!!

So what does the Mr. say???

“You better get that bird out of there”.

Are you kidding me????

Who was the smart-guy who begged for this pool in the first place?

Who was the eager-beaver who promised to take care of the pool?

Oh yeah………it was me!!

Oops!!!

Now you already know about my “love” of birds so I was none too enthusiastic to reach my hand in there to get out that floater.

Besides the fact that when I first looked down in that basket it looked like a headless bird.

{No worries, the head was just tucked down where I couldn’t see it.}

{Did I really just say “no worries” about a headless bird????}

{Weird!}

I decided I needed a glove.

I went in the kitchen and way up under the sink I found an old pink rubber glove.

Perfect.

This will be my new clean-the-dead-stuff-out-of-the-filter glove.

I tried to be breezy about the whole thing because I didn’t want the Mr. to see that I was freaked out so I grabbed a plastic grocery sack and bravely walked out to the filter with my pink glove.

After a couple of deep cleansing breaths, I reached in with my pink-gloved hand and as quick as you please, I pulled out that dead bird and shoved it in the bag.

Easy-peasy.

But there were still feathers and bugs and leaves in the basket so I reached in one more time and scooped out the rest.

That’s when I noticed it.

A hole.

In my pink glove!

So maybe it wasn’t the West Nile.

Maybe it was the Bird Flu!!!

~Mish~

 

The Not-so-Great Outdoors

I’m an in-doorsy kind of girl.

I know…..you’re shocked.

But I’ve never been a fan of being outside.

Whether it’s hot or cold, I’d rather be in.

That’s where the TV is.

But the Mr. is different.

He loves to camp and sit in the yard and play Frisbee golf and hike and all manner of different un-Mish-like activities.

But he knew what he was getting when  he married me so I don’t feel too sorry for him.  🙂

He finally hit on the outdoor activity that I can get into.

Swimming.

Well, not swimming exactly.

More like thrashing around in cool, refreshing, chlorinated water.

Not river water.

Not lake water.

And not fish-y water!!

When I was a kid, my brother, Marc, and I would BEG our dad to get us a pool.

BEG.

But he wouldn’t budge.

NO POOL.

So when the Mr. and I married, it was an added bonus that his parent’s had a pool.

Or maybe the pool was the incentive and the marriage was the bonus.

Just joshin’!!

More or less.  😉

The first few years of swimming, I mean marriage, were bliss.

Then my in-laws got this crazy notion to take down the pool.

Are you kidding me???

If you HAVE a pool, why would you ever get rid of it????

At the time we had a boat so I tried not to make too big a stink over it but I think they knew I was unhappy.

Something about me not having a poker face, I think.

I get that from my mother.

So what is a girl with no pool to do???

She starts nagging her husband, that’s what!

And I nagged and I nagged and I nagged.

And lo and behold………..HE CAVED!!

He actually caved!

Can you believe it????

Unfortunately, along with a pool comes hard work.

Hard OUTSIDE work.

{Could this be why my in-laws got rid of their pool???  Hmmmmmm}

So the last few weeks, I have spent more time in the yard than I think I ever have in my whole life.

And we’re not done yet.

Landscaping must be done.

More outside work!

A deck must be built.

More outside work!

And do you people know what lives outside????

BUGS!!!

Do you know what I hate more than anything in life????

BUGS!!!

But apparently the bugs like me.

More specifically, mosquitoes like me.

No, mosquitoes LOVE me.

I am like sugar to them!!!

My legs are completely eaten up.  I can’t even be outside for a second without being swarmed by mosquitoes.

The Mr.???

Not one single bite!

I think he may be in cahoots with the mosquitoes.

Don’t believe me?

Take a look at these lovely legs.

Leg

Actually it’s just one leg, but you get the gist.

{The bruise is a nice touch, don’t you think????}

I’m one itchy girl so I looked online to find some home remedies for mosquito bites.

There were some interesting ideas but the one I chose?

The Scotch tape method of itch relief.

Yep, that’s right.

I’m sitting here with bits of tape all over my legs.

And I do believe it’s working………I haven’t scratched in MINUTES!!

~Mish~

Danged If I Do and Danged If I Don’t

I’m a list person.

I love to make lists but more importantly I love to cross things OFF my list.

I get this from my mother.

So with the big Fierce visitation this weekend I’ve been in list heaven.

I’m getting down to the homestretch so last night I was anxious to cross off a few more items.

My only plan for the night was to set up the daybed that I got from my sister, Marti, dust the entire house, and clean the bathrooms.

Easy-peasy, right?

Wrong!!!

The Mr. and I stopped at the Work Journal to get the bed from Marti and then we headed home.  While the Mr. carried all the bed parts in, I took Taj out to do his business and bark at passersby.

When the Mr. was done with the carry-in he informed me that it was trash night and if I had any garbage that needed to go out, now was the time to do it! 

Sir, yes sir!! 🙂

The night before I had done the horrible job of cleaning out the fridge.  Oh, how I hate to clean out the fridge!!!!  It was truly a gag-worthy experience but it had to be done.

Knowing that the gross fridge garbage needed to go and not wait another week, I pulled the heavy, oh so heavy, bag out of the can, tied it up and carried it out to the street. 

As the Mr. was heaving this loaded bag into the can, he realized that the bag was leaking. 

I turned and looked and sure enough there was a trail from the street to the front door.

OH NO!!!!  Surely not!!

I ran to the house and there stands Taj licking up something off the floor. 

I fling myself into the house and the trail continues………….from the front door, across the entry hall, through the dining room and into the kitchen!!

A TRAIL!

Of goo!!!

I’m not exactly sure what was leaking but since I threw away some old, nasty cantaloupe and watermelon, I’m thinking it was a mixture of the two.

The Mr. comes in and a period of intense fellowship began. 

This was not on the list.

Not in a million years would I have put this on the list.

I immediately grabbed the new can of Resolve Carpet Cleaner I  had just bought and started foaming the trail.

Did I test a small area first?

No I did not!!!

All I could think of was get that line of nastiness up off my carpet before Taj makes himself sick trying to clean it up for me.

Thankfully the cleaner worked and the trail of goo is gone.

But now I have a trail of really clean carpet.

Oh well, better for my guests to find their way to the kitchen.

It’s all about the bright side, people.

~Mish~

…..Your Time Is Running Out!

I’m a deadline person. 

I may have good intentions to get things done but without a deadline, I just can’t even get started. 

Thankfully, I now have a deadline.  And it’s fast approaching!!!

A few of my Fierce Friends are coming to visit over Labor Day weekend and I just can hardly wait!!!  We always have such fun together.  We laugh…….A LOT!!!

And just so the Mr. won’t feel too overwhelmed, Andrew has decided to brave the 500 mile trip with a car full of crazy women and will be here too.  What fun it’s gonna be!!!

So there it is.

My deadline.

Labor Day weekend.

THIS Labor Day weekend.

Like, in two weeks!!

Have you seen my house???

No, of course not because it’s not ready to be seen yet!

That’s precisely my point!!!!

Now, Jane (aka Ginger) has seen the house already and she’s mostly forgiven me for living like a refugee but Dawn & Kathy (Kinky & Xena) have not.  So the last few weeks I have been in a frenzy trying to get the house put together.  And thank the LORD my mom has been helping us.  That woman is a dynamo!!! 

We’ve finally gotten the living room painted and, I must say, it’s spectacular!!  Or at least I think it is.  And this past weekend we got actual “things” up on the walls.

What a miracle!!!  The boxes that have resided in the living room for the last four months have now been emptied.

The Mahal is actually starting to look like a real house!

With real people living in it.

Real slobby people, but people nonetheless!!!

Very exciting!

Unfortunately, there is no possible way I’m going to get it all done by Labor Day weekend.  Well, maybe Labor Day NEXT year but not in two weeks!! 

Even Attila said it couldn’t be done.

Challenge accepted!!

So if I seem crazy and frenzied and out of my head…………..well, you probably won’t notice a difference. 

Sad, but true.

Wish me luck!!

~Mish~

“I’m Shavin”

Tonight’s a big night at the Mahal.

It’s butt-shaving night!!

Sorry, Mom, for using the “b” word.

If you know me well, you know my mantra…..”Mish don’t do poo”.

Well, good ole Mish has been doing a right-smart amount of hiney wiping lately and she’s sick of it!!!

Now before rumors get started that I’m shaving or wiping the Mr., let me assure you that I am not.  I’m talking about Taj.  The Mr. was trained long ago to take care of his own self!  And apparently ONLY himself.  It’s up to me to take care of the dog.

There’s nothing quite like being interrupted from making your lunch to take care of a hiney mess.   Of course, after gagging 10 or 12 times, I’m really not that hungry.

So maybe I’ve stumbled onto a new diet secret. 

I could make MILLIONS!!

Wish me luck tonight and I’m sorry I don’t have a picture to share of my lunch fiasco but I was too busy gagging to take a picture!

Maybe next time.  🙂

~Mish~

I’m On My Lunch Hour!!

Have you ever wanted to say that to a slow waitress who just isn’t moving fast enough for your liking? 

Well, Memaw did!!

I’ll never forget going to China Wok with Memaw and as soon as we placed our order she said “Now we are on our lunch hour.”  As if that waitress didn’t realize that everyone in the place was on their lunch hour!!  I just KNEW we would be eating a loogie-filled lunch! 

Bless her heart!  And I mean that in a good way!  🙂

She also wouldn’t let them bring the Egg Drop Soup to the table!  Just the sight of it made her sick.  But she would say it in that same Memaw-tone:  “Don’t even bring it to the table!” 

Gotta love Memaw!!

But lately I’ve had the same attitude at lunch.

Since moving into the Mahal, the Mr. and I have started going home at lunch so we can take Taj out for a mid-day potty break.  He’s so excited to see us and then is SOOOO mad when we leave to go back to work. 

I don’t really like that part myself!

The problem is that by the time the Mr. picks me up at work, we drive home, fix a sandwich, eat said sandwich, clean up the mess (we are messy sandwich makers!), and take Taj out for his duty, its time to rush back to work!   I’m exhausted by the time I get back to my desk.  And usually have a little heartburn to boot!!

I’m thinking of making my lunch when I go home and then bringing it back to the office with me to eat at my desk at a more leisurely pace.  That way I’ll have plenty of time to take care of the Mr. and Taj; though the Mr. is pretty self-sufficient and only needs to find out where things are.  Remember, we’ve only lived in this house for a week so anything he needs in the kitchen is like a scavenger hunt!  Poor Mr.!!

Today when I took Taj out, he headed right to the back fence to see if our neighbor dogs were out.  There are 3 rather large dogs back there and only one of them likes Taj.  The other two want to EAT him!!  They’ve even tried to dig under the fence to get to him!!! 

I can totally understand.  He’s adorable!! 

But it makes me nervous!

The one dog that likes him is a beautiful black dog with a fluffy curved tail like Taj’s and if he’s out, he’ll growl and snip at the other two dogs to keep them away from his “friend”.  He’s very nice to Taj.

Anyway, today when Taj got to the fence, the black dog came out and right over to sniff at my little guy.  They both sniffed and sniffed and the tails were a waggin’ (which is a good thing!)

Then, as if in slow motion, the black dog turns and starts to lift his leg.  I quickly pulled at Taj’s lease just as a steady stream of yellow emerged from the other side of the fence.

That silly dog was trying to PEE on my baby!!!!!  And since Taj is so much shorter, it would have been right on his furry back!!!!  I’m not sure if he was trying to “mark” Taj as his buddy or was just obnoxious but I didn’t like it one little bit!!  I did, however, notice that when we moved to another part of the yard to finish our business, the black dog was fighting off the other two from the fence. 

Protector or not, DON’T PEE ON MY DOG!!!

And all the while, I’m thinking, in my whiney-est tone  “I’m on my lunch hour!”

~Mish~