Tag Archive | church

Marcus, Marcus, Marcus

When I was a kid, I loved watching the Brady Bunch.

It was one of my very favorite shows and I even share a name with the beautiful older sister.

But even though people have always, ALWAYS, come up to me and said “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”, I didn’t identify with the popular Marcia Brady.

No.

I’m Jan…..all the way!

jan-brady

I didn’t want to BE Jan…..I just was.

I’m a middle child.

And like Jan Brady, the middle child is never considered the smartest, the most beautiful, the funniest, or the ANYTHING.

We’re just there.

In the middle.

Between the perfect oldest child and the sweet, precious baby child.

Except in my family, we have TWO baby children.

Molly likes to pretend sometimes that she’s a middle child but oh no!

She’s definitely a baby.

Child.

A baby child.

Did I just call her a baby???

Oops!!

Anyway, since Molly was the baby for six years until Marc came along, she quickly decided that she was NOT giving up her baby status for no BOY!

Hence, two babies.

Children.

Baby children.

Oops!!

And just in case you think that the curse of the middle child goes away with age, let me assure you that it does not.

Not by a long shot.

Just this very last month the Jan Brady Syndrome reared its ugly head.

My brother, Marc, came to town for a few days and so the Mr. and I decided to go to church with him at Mom & Dad’s church.  This is the church I grew up in so I know most everybody.  But recently, the church hired a new youth minister and I thought of this right as the service started.  I leaned over to Mom and said “Which one is the new youth guy?”  She told me that he and his family were behind us a couple of rows.  I figured I’d goon at him after service and then I just kind of forgot about it.

When the service was over, we turned around to gather our stuff and Mom said to the youth pastor, “I want to introduce you”.

So I grabbed the Mr. by the arm and told him to hang on.

Mom’s introducing us.

That’s when my sweet mother said “This is our son, Marc.  He’s a youth pastor in Arizona.”

Hello.

Hello.

Pleasantries all around.

Now it must be my turn.

Yep, time to introduce your daughter.

The daughter standing right here.

Right here beside you.

Remember her?

Your kid???

Your MIDDLE kid????

Nope.

Nothing.

Not a mention.

Not a nod.

Not even a look that says I have a clue as to who you are.

So what’s a Jan Brady to do when she’s been dissed by her very own mother???

She looks at the Mr. and says, “Yeah, we can go.”

Sorry that you missed out on meeting me, New Youth Guy.

I’m really a very nice person.

Just ask anybody.

Well, maybe don’t ask my Mom.  🙂

~Mish~

Young Preachers & Michael Moore

One of the toughest things about moving to KY was finding a church.

Not that there aren’t lots of great churches in our area but the Mr. & I just couldn’t seem to find one that we both really loved.

Until recently.

We finally found a place that seems to fit our different needs but we can still worship together.

There’s just one little, itty-bitty issue.

It’s MY issue, really.

I went to high school with the preacher.

I know your thinking, “What’s the problem with that??”.

Well, here’s the problem…..

The preacher is MY age.

MY age.

Aren’t preachers supposed to be old??

Preachers and doctors.

Old.

At least older than ME!!

And to make matters worse, this guy looks just exactly like he did in school.

Not one day older.

No pot belly.

No gray hair.

Just the same.

It’s sad, really.

But since he’s a good preacher, I am willing to overlook the fact that he’s just barely over 18.

Like me.  🙂

This past weekend, the Mr. and I both came down with the sickness.

Not sure exactly what the ailment was but we both were feeling rather puney so Monday we stayed home on the couch under a pile of blankets.

It was a yucky day.

But up in the day, the Mr. convinced me that I’d feel better if I took a shower.

Actually, I think I was starting to smell a little ripe and he needed some relief.

So I took a long shower and even washed my greasy, nasty hair.

I did feel a little better.

I got my hair dried and put on some clean lounging-around clothes and that’s when we decided it “feels like an Arby’s night”.

Since it was past dark, the Mr. agreed to drive me to Arby’s if I would go in to get the food.

I know………there’s a wonderful new invention called the “drive-thru” but for some reason, the drive-thru doesn’t work for the Mr.

I don’t know what the problem is.

He pulls right up.

He orders in a clear, concise voice.

But they cannot understand a word he says.

It’s quite comical sometimes but it frustrates him to the max.

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s so soft spoken.

Or maybe that he’s a Yankee but whatever the reason, he just can’t use a drive-thru.

So I agreed to the deal.

He’d drive…..I’d go in.

It had snowed that day so I pulled out my big ole NY snow boots and shoved my feet in.  Toasty!

Then I put on my big ole puffy coat that I don’t usually need in KY but it’s very warm.

Now I’m all puffed up.

I look in the mirror and see my pale-as-a-ghost, no-make-up-face staring at me beneath a mess of clean hair.  I need to cover up!!

I grab the Mr.’s ball cap and put on my glasses in hopes of hiding a little of the hideousness.

I look in the mirror.

Michael Moore is staring back at me.

(via ranker.com)

(via ranker.com)

Oh well.

It’s just a quick trip to Arby’s.

No problem.

Off we go and when I get out of the car at Arby’s I tell the Mr. that if he sees me slip on the ice, to come help me up.

Just as I open the restaurant door, I see him.

Right there.

Looking like 1985.

THE PREACHER!!!!

What do I do???

Do I back out and insist that we try the drive-thru?

Do I go in and hope he doesn’t see or recognize me??

Yes, that’s it.

That’s exactly what I’ll do.

And just as I slip inside the Arby’s, he turns and says “Hey, Marsha”!!

He saw AND recognized me!!!

Oh the humanity!

I immediately started fasting and praying that God would call me home to Glory but seeing as God likes a good chuckle as much as I do, He let me struggle on!

Of course, I tried to cough and sniffle as much as possible to make sure that Doogie-Preacher knew that I was afflicted with a sickness and would NEVER go out in the public looking like this otherwise.

I’m not sure he bought it.

I do worry for his kids who were with him, though.

They may need a bit of the therapy to get rid of the nightmares.

Then the most amazing thing happened.

Just as the preacher was finishing up his order, he made a corny joke.

Like really corny.

I chuckled.

It was funny.

The teenager behind the counter looked at him like he had two heads!!!

I guess he’s not that young after all.  🙂

~Mish~

 

Music to my Ears

music

I love music.

When I was a kid, my family always had the TV tuned to The Gospel Singing Jubilee on Sunday morning and we would sing along as we got ready for church.

And I loved singing hymns at church each week…….When We All Get To Heaven, Old Rugged Cross, Just As I Am.

All through school, I was singing in chorus.  While I was in high school, Mrs. Jenkins, our chorus teacher, would let us come into the chorus room during lunch and we’d sing while someone played the piano.

I’ve just always loved music.

So now as an adult, I love to teach the little ones some of the songs we learned at church camp or at Girl Scouts.

Some are serious songs but most are silly songs; like Hillbilly Will and High Silk Hat and Had A Little Dog, Skinny As A Rail.  We even taught Shelby the song about the little cabin in the woods and it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized it was a song all about hunters killing bunnies in the woods!

What kinda bloody massacre songs were we being taught, anyway?!?!?!?!?!

And now these songs just pop into my head at random times.

Most every conversation I have reminds me of a song.

Today was no exception.

Today I walked into the bathroom at work and wouldn’t you know, the dude before me didn’t lock the door.

The dude before me was still taking care of business.

The dude before me was, well, BEFORE ME!!!

And what do you think I did?

I backed out of that bathroom humming “Oh be careful little eyes what you see”.

Happy Monday and be sure to double-check the lock! 🙂

~Mish~

 

 

 

I Cannot Tell A Lie

Once upon a time there lived a little girl.

This little girl loved Gilligan’s Island so she insisted that her family call her “Ginger”.

Ginger was a precious little thing and as a middle child she craved attention.

One of her favorite pastimes was gathering her sisters into her “church” (which was just a big space behind a hedge row beside the house) where she led the “congregation” in some singing of hymns and then the praching began!!

Boy could Ginger ever more preach!!

Of course, when she was preaching she wasn’t called Ginger.

She was Dr. Boatwright.

Sometimes she even managed to get those heathens saved so Ginger would take them to the wading pool and “baptize” them.

And since Ginger was a Baptist, that means she dunked ‘em good!!!

When Ginger was in kindergarten, she decided one day to take her sister’s toy for Show and Tell.

donald duck

She was so excited!!

She put the Donald Duck toy in a brown paper bag and couldn’t wait until it was her turn.

Unfortunately, for me…..I mean Ginger….she couldn’t keep a secret worth a diddly-squat and told her friend Mary Beth what she had in the bag.

Finally it was my Ginger’s turn in the middle of the circle.

The teacher asked if anyone wanted to guess what item Ginger had brought.

Up shot the hand of that stinkin’ Mary Beth!!

When the teacher called on MB, she said “Ginger brought a Donald Duck toy”.

Teacher:  Is that what’s in the bag?

Ginger:  NOPE!

On and on the guessing went while Ginger basked in the attention of her class.

When all the guesses had been made, the teacher asked Ginger to reveal her item.

Out came the Donald Duck.

Well, let me tell you, that teacher was none too pleased with me, I mean her!!

And I think it’s safe to say that was the end of the friendship with Mary Beth!

Sadly, Ginger’s family still brings up this indiscretion lo these many years later.

After all, if she lied to Mary Beth, can she really be trusted?????

But personally, I think they overlook the real lesson here, which is:

DON’T TRUST MARY BETH!!!

~Mish~

 

Signs & Wonders

church

This morning I got an e-mail from my brother with the subject “Church Ladies with Typewriters”.  It was a list of some funny mistakes found in church bulletins.

Some of these I had seen before but some were new.  Here are a few that I thought were chuckle-worthy:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

 

Since my parents are printers (not printers like a laser printer but they OWN a print shop……and they print stuff……sometimes on a laser printer…….what was I talking about?????)

Oh yeah, my sibs and I have learned to watch for typos and since my dad is a McLean (there’s no other way to explain it) we’ve learned to pick up on the weird things people say.  For instance, when the paper delivery would arrive at the shop, someone would call out “Paper truck is here” to which someone in my family (usually Dad) would respond, “There’s no such thing as a paper truck”.

Get it???

Paper truck.

A truck made of paper.

I know.

We’re weird.

It drives the Mr. crazy.

Anyway, the church I grew up in had a sign at the road and every few weeks, someone would change the message on it.  Sometimes it was inspirational, sometimes informative and sometimes very clever.  One Sunday morning we pulled into the church lot and my sister, Molly, saw the sign.

“Our good friends”???

What about “our good friends”???

We all looked at the sign.

“Molly, it says “Our God Reigns”!!!

Needless to say, the chick needed glasses.

And we’ve never let her forget that day.

Every so often we would sing “Our God Reigns” at church.

Of course, not our row.

Our row was too busy nudging each other and giggling!

In a very worshipful way, of course.  🙂

~Mish~

 

 

Dog Days of Summer

The weekend has come and gone in a hurry and here we are back to Monday.  Why is it that the weekdays drag but the weekends fly by??? 

We had an incident with the little guy this weekend that had me worried (I’m a BIG worrier!) but I think we’re on the mend.

Friday night as we were going to bed at 1:00 am (why do we stay up so dag-gone late????), I noticed that there was a red spot on Taj’s arm.

Ok, maybe it’s not really his arm.  But since it’s the front leg, it really should be called an arm.  The Mr. does not agree.

Anyway, I checked it out the best I could since he was trying to escape my clutches.  Brian and Andrew do the same thing.  Baffling!  And sure enough, there on his little arm is a hot spot!  All the hair is gone from that area and I was just sure that by morning he’d be hairless!

So since I felt so sorry for him, the push-over that I am let him sleep in the bed with us!  I’m such a good mother! NOT!

The next morning, after sleeping in as much as my old bones would allow, I checked online to see what could be done for hot spots.  He needed some medicine.  So I called his vet’s office and described the spot and since it was small they told me to come in and get some spray. 

I quickly got dressed so I could get there before they closed at noon.  Of course, the Mr. commented that for Taj, I’d run right out but I wouldn’t run out to get him breakfast!!  I replied that he could get his own breakfast but Taj could NOT drive………….he’s only 3!!!

When I got back home with the spray (and no breakfast for the Mr.) I put a couple of squirts on his arm.  I wasn’t sure if I even got him because he is such a wiggle-tail but judging by what happened next, I’m pretty sure I did.

Next thing I know, that dog is running around like the devil himself is hot on his tail.  He ran from the living room into the dining room, around the table and back to the living room, made a circle around and did the whole thing over a couple more times!!!  All the while his back half was tucked under in case the devil got too close!

It was the funniest, most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen!  Of course, when I thought about it, I figured it must sting like a son-of-a-gun for him to run like that.  Poor guy!

I’m supposed to do this 2-3 times a day so now when he sees me with the spray, he runs and hides.  I’m going to start making the Mr. do it from now on! 

Here’s a picture of his hot spot on Saturday morning:

 

 

It was much redder on Friday night but he won’t stop licking it so I’m not sure how long before it heals.

He’s already figured out that, even though I’m the evil spray lady, he is getting extra pettings and snacks.  Here he is living the life of luxury on Sunday morning while I’m getting ready for church:

 

 

What a sweet boy!

~Mish~