Tag Archive | funny bne

A Day Late and A Dollar Short

That’s not really true.

I AM a day late but I stole some moolah from the Mr.’s wallet so I’ve got a dollar.

Anyway, yesterday was a special day for our family.

Well, for all of us except Dad.

No, to Dad, yesterday was just another day.

Just an ordinary-like-all-the-others kind of day.

But to the rest of us, it’s special because HE is so special to us.

He’s our rock.

Our protector.

Our spiritual leader.

The wise old head.

The umbrella holder.

He’s DAD.

 

Dad & Shelby

Dad and Shelby

He’s never been one to get over-excited about his own birthday.

He can take ‘em or leave ‘em.

I don’t really know how to process that.

I love me a birthday.

I start mentioning my birthday MONTHS before the actual event.  Just to be sure no one forgets and I’m treated like a queen.

Well, maybe not a queen, more like the court jester, but still.

I love to celebrate ME!  🙂

{By the way, my birthday is about 3 months from now so start shopping!}

Dad is soooo not like that.

So I’ve decided that in honor of this great man’s birthday, I’d share a little Dad story with you.

I hope I haven’t shared this before but since I’ve managed to stack up a fair amount of birthdays myself, I can’t really remember.

So here goes:

Back in the olden days of the 70’s and 80’s my family practiced that long extinct ritual of the family supper.

I’m sure you’ve heard of this before.

It’s where someone, usually the mom, cooks a meal using pots and pans and skillets and such and then the whole family sits around a table and eats and talks together.

I know, it seems weird now.

No microwave.

No TV.

No electronic devices.

Just talking to each other and enjoying a good meal.

Unless it was hamburger gravy; then it was just a lot of griping.

That stuff was NASTY!!

Our family was quite large by today’s standards, there were six of us in this tiny little kitchen and once you sat in your seat, you didn’t get up.  It’s not that getting up from the table was forbidden.  No, it was because the kitchen was so small, there was no way to get out of the room until EVERYBODY got up!

I remember one night we were sitting at the table and for some reason, I was sitting by Dad.  This was unusual because Molly always did, and still does, like to sit by Dad.

I don’t know why, really.  He usually had her squalling by the end of the meal.

He had this thing where if you put your elbow on the table, he would pick up your arm and bang your elbow on the table.  Not super hard; just enough to make you about four/thirds mad.  He didn’t do it because he minded elbows on the table, it was just fun to crack that funny bone.

I know, I don’t get it.

Boys are weird.

Anyway, Dad did this to Molly almost every night and she would fuss and she would cry and the next night, she was right back by his side.

So this particular night, I was sitting by Dad and we had a delicious meal of country ham.

Now, for those Northern folks who may be reading this, let me explain country ham.  It’s ham that’s been cured with salt before it’s smoked.

And no, we didn’t smoke it; we never could find papers big enough to roll it in!  haha

Sorry, sometimes my McLean comes out in me and I can’t stop it.

The thing about country ham is that it is super salty.

And very yummy!

You just can’t beat country ham, biscuits, fried potatoes and gravy.

So this night I was happy as a clam, eating my country ham, minding my own business.  But there was a grisly part on the side of my piece of ham that I cut off and laid on the side of my plate.  No biggie.

Toward the end of the meal, Dad noticed that piece of meat and says “Are you gonna eat that?”

Before I could answer, quick as a blink of an eye, he popped that tough piece of ham in his mouth.

All I could do was look at him and say “No, but I sucked it”.

Sure enough, when I realized that piece was too hard for my little teeth to chew, I sucked out all the salty goodness and laid the now bland piece back on my plate.

Well, when he realized I had been sucking on that meat rind, he just about lost it.  He jumped up from the table but, of course, there was nowhere to go!

He was trapped!

Dad learned a valuable lessen that night.

He’s never swiped a piece of food from a plate since that day.

At least not without finding out more about where that food has been!

Happy belated birthday, Daddy!!!

~Mish~

 

 

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