Tag Archive | Kleenex

Sick Day Essentials

I did kind of a crazy thing.

I think I may have accepted a challenge I didn’t want to accept.

I got a text from Molly yesterday to do 7 blog posts in 7 days.

I laughed.

Then this morning I read another blog extending the same 7 day challenge.

I guess this must be a thing.

So…..challenge accepted!!!

Unfortunately for all of you, these 7 blog posts will surely be fascinating and riveting accounts of the life of the Mr. and the Mish.

Lucky ya’ll.  🙂

I’ll start Day 1 with this past Friday.

I’ve had sickness.

I mean SICKNESS!!!

sick_girl

I really and truly wish spring would hurry up but for Pete’s sake, leave my sinuses alone!!!

While living in exile in NY I had forgotten all the stuffy, drippy, sore-throaty goodness that comes from a KY existence.

So by Thursday evening, I felt like I had fire ants running up and down my throat.

It was ouchy to the max!!

By the time my alarm went off on Friday those ants had multiplied like rabbits (fire rabbits that is!) and I had a slight fever.

Now fevers are a tricky thing.

I don’t usually run a fever even though I sometimes feel fever-ish.  And my fever on Friday would never pass the “Mom Test”.

See, when I was a kid, the ONLY way we could stay home from school was if we had a fever.

It didn’t matter that we vomited.

She’d say “Now you’ll feel better.  Go to school.”

It didn’t matter that we passed out cold in the shower.

She’d say “You’re conscious now.  Go to school.”

And I’m sure that even with a fever she’d try to send us to school but she knew that if the school nurse got wind of the fever, she’d be called to come get us in the middle of the day.

She did NOT like the mid-day-pick-up!

I remember once that happened when I was in either kindergarten or first grade.  I came down with a mysterious sickness during the late morning.  Mom came to get me and when we got home she gave me a half a honey and white bread sandwich.

Yes, that’s right.

Honey and white bread.

Is there really any doubt as to my struggle with weight?????

Anywho, after eating my sandwich I experienced a miraculous recovery.

So back to school I went!

Along with a threat to never try that trick again!!

It wasn’t a trick.

I was hungry, apparently.

But since Mom wasn’t at my house on Friday morning and I didn’t have any white bread for a honey sandwich, I made the executive decision to stay home.

While I laid on my deathbed, I came up with a few essentials for when you’re home sick:

  1.  A couch-bed.  All you need for this is some clean, crisp sheets and a big ole blanket to make the ultimate bed on the living room couch.  And what husband doesn’t love walking into his house after a long day to find his sickly, pale wife lying on the couch under a pile of crumpled Kleenex with another Kleenex shoved up her nose to catch the drips from her stuffier-than-stuffed sinuses.  Very attractive.
  2. A burn-y Diet Coke.  Now you all know I’m a Mt. Dew lover but when I’m sick, especially with a sore throat, all I need is a Diet Coke that burns on the way down!  The best place to get one is McDonald’s.  I’m not sure why theirs burns so good but you can’t beat it. And I’m told it’s the same with regular Coke; though I’d rather drink dirty dishwater than a regular Coke. The added advantage of a burn-y Diet Coke is that all the built up sinus gunk in your throat gets melted away.  You know it’s working by the burn!
  3. A bendy straw.  I don’t think I really need to explain this one.  Bendy straws are just awesome!  But be sure not to confuse a bendy straw with a crazy straw.  Crazy straws are strictly for the healthy; they are way too exciting for the infirm.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have any bendy straws on Friday, which probably added a whole other day to my recovery.  Oh well.  I’ll stock up on my next shopping trip.
  4. A Frosty.  This is perhaps the most important item on the list.  As I’ve told you before, on the rare occasion that we stayed home from school, Me-maw would come by at lunch and bring us a Frosty.  I’m not sure the medical community has caught up to her cure for what ails you, but a Frosty will make you feel better way before cough medicine & Tylenol.

And to make sure that I got better as quick as possible, that wonderful Mr. brought me a Frosty when he came home from work.

He even bought himself one as preventive medicine.

He’s good like that!

See ya’ll tomorrow (I hope!).

~Mish~

 

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The Poop Coat

My family gives me lots of grief over my motto:

“Mish don’t do poo”

It’s not that I can’t do poo, it’s that I prefer not to and usually there is someone else around who is more than willing to take care of that kid with the dirty diaper so there is really no need for me to volunteer.

And it’s not that I can’t talk about poo.  The Fierce’s can’t get together without the topic eventually coming around to poo.

I even have a cousin (Judy) that I call “Poo” but that’s because as a teenager she stepped in turkey poop and didn’t realize it was on her shoe until she got to school.  A teenage nightmare!!

On Sunday the Mr. and I decided that Taj needed a good walk and since it had warmed up nice, we went to the upper loop of Cove Spring.  It’s got a great view of the city and the path is nicely paved and there’s not TOO many trees for Taj to dilly-dally at.

The Mr. does not appreciate a dilly-dally.

I had put some poop bags in my coat pocket just to be on the safe side and off we went on our walk.

We didn’t get far when Taj decided he needed to relieve himself.

Sadly, I had put off shaving his backside over the weekend.

Big mistake.

BIG!!

I look at the Mr. and asked what I should do.

Try leaves, he told me.

Great idea.  But since it’s January, all the leaves were brittle as can be and of no help.

I dug around in my coat pocket and found ONE used Kleenex.

Not good.

So I came up with the brilliant idea that if I can get him to run around and shake himself, most of it would come off and then maybe the Kleenex would work.

WRONG!

That little guy shook with all his might but only managed to “spray” the mess all over his sides and legs!!

Now what do I do?????

Water!

I need water.

The quick thinking Mr. gave me the bottle of water he had brought for himself and I poured it on the back of the dog.

Now I’ve got a poopy, wet dog.

And here come some people walking toward us.

They are going to want to pet Taj.

Taj is going to want to jump on them.

We gotta get outta here.  QUICK!!

We turn and start to walk back to the car.

And it hits me……………I’ve got to get this guy home in my new car, which still has that new car smell, without getting poop everywhere!!!

Why, oh why, did we go to the park?????

Why, oh why, did I not shave the Taj butt when I first noticed the need?????

Why, oh why, didn’t we bring the Mr.’s pickup?????

So we get to the car and I dig around the glove box to find some McDonald’s napkins from our last trip to NY.

{At this point, the Mr. is in the car and pretending that he doesn’t even know us!}

I try my best to clean the poor guy up but he’s too far gone.

There’s really only one thing to do.

I take off my coat, put it in Taj’s little car seat and plop my poopy dog right on top!!!

We raced home as quickly as we could and I scooped him up, coat and all, and put him right in the tub.

Needless to say, he was not happy with me.

Needless to say, I wasn’t that happy myself!!!

Taj after the bath!

Taj after the bath!

But to make a long story longer, after the bath and the tub cleanup, I put my coat in the wash and it came out sparkling clean and fresh as a daisy!

Of course, it will forever, from that day forth, be known as the Poop Coat.

~Mish~

Come And Knock On Our Door

I’ve been under the weather.

Not me, actually, but my computer.  It’s been all bug-ish and virus-y but I think, I THINK, it’s fixed.

So since I’ve been down and out this last week, my sister was kind enough to send me an e-mail from a couple of years ago that I had sent pertaining to a midnight visitor we had while living in NY and I thought I’d share it with you.

Just a couple of things you should know:

1.  The Mr.’s father lived with us at the time and since the Mr. and his dad share the same first name, my Fierce Friend’s dubbed him “Super Daddy”;

2.  The Fierce’s call the Mr.(aka John) “Big Daddy”;

3.  I have an apparent addiction to exclamation points!; and

d.  Andrew was in his room during this whole long ordeal and had no idea any of this was going on………..

Ok, here’s the story:

 “About 3 weeks ago on a Tuesday night, John and I were watching TV, Andrew was in his room, and Super Daddy wasn’t home.  So about 9:30 we decided to go up to watch TV in bed and then go to sleep early.  I was super tired!!!  

So we’re getting the lights & stuff turned off and our doorbell rings.  Thinking its SD returning with no house key, John goes to let him in.  Then I hear John say for me to come in there.  Standing on our sun porch is a young girl with a little t-shirt, sweats & no shoes and she’s crying like crazy.  She wants to use our phone.  Of course, I tell her to come on in the house and try to find out what we can do for her.  

When she comes into the house, I can smell that she is drunk as a skunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She sits down and tries MANY times to dial the phone (the phone number she’s dialing is written on the back of her hand!) but she’s too drunk to dial right.  She’s cussin’ a blue streak and just blubberin’!!!!!  So I try to talk to her and ask if there is someone I can call for her or some place we can take her.  But she says no.  She can’t find her baby.  

Apparently, the baby daddy is sleeping with the girl across the street from us in the crack house!!!!  She dropped her kid (about 3 years old) with the dad and now she can’t find any of them!!!  So I ask if she wants me to call the cops but OH NO definitely she does not cause she’s afraid she’ll get arrested again!!!

AGAIN!!!  YIKES!!

She just keeps begging me to listen to her so I finally sit down at the table with her.  She is snortin’ and snottin’ around so I get a box of kleenex.  

When SD comes home a little bit after that, she’s sitting at the table all slouched down with her leg and bare foot ON THE TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And I’m telling you……….she reeks of alcohol!!!!!  

So she finally gets her friend on the phone and is yelling at her to call the girl across the street (who apparently this friend once had a lesbian affair with) and tell that $!@*& to give her the baby daddy back cause she loves him soooo much!!!!  She goes from crying to screaming and cursing this “friend” and begging her to help her get Mr. Wonderful back!!!!  Then she gives ME the phone to talk to her friend!!  

The friend is about 30 minutes away and won’t come get her but tells me she will call the girl’s mom over on Buffalo Street to come pick her up.  So she gets off the phone and she hears John and SD talking in the living room.  That freaks her out and she’s gets all paranoid that they are calling the cops.  I assure her that they are not but we would be glad to take her home.  She screams at me that she just wants me to listen to her!  So I do.  

She talks and talks about this “wonderful love of her life” who has given her a black eye (it was healing already so I’m not sure how old it was) and she can’t live without him.  Then she shows me the big ole bruises on the insides of both arms where the cops dragged her out of there apartment the previous weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She was arrested for harassment.  

Then she says “If I didn’t love him would I get this tattoo?”  and proceeds to pull down her pants to show me the tattoo on her butt cheek!!!  Then shows me the one in the FRONT!!!!!  LOW in the front!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  By the end of the night she has showed me both of them many, many times!!!!!  

I’m at this point praying as hard as I can that she will get outta my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So she calls her friend again……..more of the same……….crying, screaming, cursing, the whole nine yards!!  But this time she finds out (or I find out cause she keeps giving me the phone) that the kid is with the grandmother and is safe.  So I’m thinking……TIME TO GO HOME!!!  But she’s having none of it!!!!!  

She gets off the phone and needs to go to the bathroom.  I tell her its just around the corner (oh, I had given her a bottle of water at some point thinking maybe that would help sober her up a little…..what do I know about drunk people?????)  So she goes in the bathroom WITH THE PHONE and I step into the living room to tell John whats going on and turn around and she’s peeing with the door wide open and talking on the phone again!!!!!  YUCK!!!!  

I go back into the kitchen and sit down again and she comes out without washing her hands of course and keeps talking to her friend.  She’s starting to sway and stumble so she sits down…………on my lap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Then stays there a good 5-10 minutes talking and sitting on my lap!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

So she finally gets up and after we talk a loooooonnnnnngggggggg while with me trying to witness to her a bit (not sure how much was getting through) and she seems at least a little more sober, then she calls this guy friend to come get her.  She tells him she’ll meet him outside so she gets off the phone and is looking for her purse, which she had left on the sun porch.  

We go out there and she says that she doesn’t even have shoes (she had left them next door for some strange and odd reason).  Then she looks over at my pile of shoes and wants to know whose pink shoes those are???  They were my flipflops I wear on the boat.  I got them at Wal-mart for $5 so I told her she could have them.  Then she says she has no jacket and its getting cold out.  So I go and get one of my older jackets that I rarely wear and tell her she can wear it.  It swallows her of course but she hugs me and I tell her I will be praying for her and she just crys and crys.  

So we go out on the sun porch again and she has a sudden thought that the baby daddy is probably at the bar in Silver Creek.  So she dials (from memory!) the bar’s number and asked for this guy (Charlie).  He’s not there so she dials the other bar in town and hands ME the phone.  They say he’s not there either.  She doesn’t believe that so she says why don’t she and I go get a drink!!!  She says, “Your single, right?”!!!!!  Then she seems surprised that I’m indeed NOT single but married to the guy in the house!!!  Then she wants me to just take her down there to which I said I would take her home but I would not take her to a bar.  

She finally decides to wait for her friend outside so I leave the light on for her and go back in the house.  She did hug me again before she left and thanked me and I again told her I would be praying for her and she clung to me for the longest time.  

When I go back in the house, the phone rings and its her mother.  So I go outside with the phone and look all over for her but she’s gone.  I even go around front and look but she’s nowhere to be found.  Her mom thanks me and apologizes and says her daughter needs to go to AA.  

We finally go up to get ready for bed and while John is in the bathroom, he hears a loud bang!  He comes out and his dad heard it too and came out of his room.  John looks out the upstairs window at the house across the street and sees this girl (her name is Amanda by the way) running around the house!  

By the time I fill John in on the whole story, its after midnight!!!  So much for going to bed early!!!  She didn’t even leave until about 11:30!!!!  

We find out later that the cops did pick  her up that night and then a week later she was arrested again.

Oh one other thing I forgot……..not only did I see her butt tattoos (front AND back!) but before I got the Kleenex out, she lifted her shirt to wipe her nose and I saw her whole upper self!!!!!!!  Geez Louise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So that’s my story!!!!  

Quite a night it was!!!”

I’d like to say that this was the last time we ever saw this girl but she came back many more times (though she was usually sober).  She even brought her kid over one time.  She told me she was going to get her life straightened up but last I heard she was arrested and spent about a year in jail.  I have no idea where she is now.

As for the baby daddy, he eventually moved out with all his drama and I never saw any of them again.

Who says life in a small town is dull????

~Mish~